Page 257 of Jagged Souls
I duck my head.But what if I deserve to be hurt?
Stop.
You’re going to infect him.
You’re dirty. A disease.
The blade wobbles at his throat, and panic hits me harder than the fear. I lift my head to check he’s okay, and I find him staring at me, his heart in his eye, his life in my hands.
“I’m yours, little monster. To kill or fuck as you see fit.”I can practically hear his thoughts through the calmness of his eye. He’s really willing to risk dying in order to help me.
My heart twisting, I tell myself to drop the knife.
But I can’t.
I need it, and he knows it.
Holding my eyes, he pushes a finger into me. Slowly. So tantalizingly slowly. When he settles to his bottom knuckle, I close my eyes on a shudder.
“Can you look at me, monster?” Not a demand like it would have been before.“Eyes on me.”
I refuse, wanting to fight him on something…
“You’re testing the limits of your cage.”Maddox’s words come back to me.“You’re just trying to see if you’re safe.“
“I need you to look at me,” Varius says, an edge of panic to his words. “I want to take care of you, little monster. But let me do it without hurting us. Please. I need to know you see me.”
Shuddering and swallowing hard, I tell myself I’m safe.
He’ssafe.
He’ll never hurt me.
He’ll never punish me.
Knowing that in my heart, I breathe out.
Open my eyes.
And I finally let Antonio go.
Seventy-Eight
HER
He curls his finger, and I clutch his shoulders, a little breath escaping me. It doesn’t feel as good as the V, but I’m trying my best to give him a chance. To giveusa chance because I’m not the only one with trauma.
I know a little of what the women did to him, but like I haven’t told him everything, neither has he. I wonder if he’d still like me if he knew. Or if he’d leave.
My fingers tighten on the knife; he stills immediately. Draws back, pulling his finger out of me.
“What are you doing?” I demand, my voice shaky. I need the distraction of a poor man’s V. He should leave me. I’m a fucking disease. A pedophile. Maybe I should turn the knife on myself.
“You tensed.”
“So?”
“That’s a withdrawal of consent,” he says. “Just because you didn’t say no doesn’t mean you want it.”
