Page 2 of Balance
What isthis?
My breath hitched in anticipation as some of the tightness in my chest alleviated. It wasn’t my fault? “What do you mean?”
“Miles is an extreme introvert,” she explained. “Probably almost as much as Julian, and he doesn’t like to burden other people with his business. He’ll internalize everything until he can’t anymore. At that point, it’s not unheard of for Tu to seek solace in order to sort out his thoughts and priorities. He needs to escape to recharge.”
Tu? I was talking aboutMiles. Were they that closely linked?
As my dumbfounded silence continued, she tilted her head sympathetically. “Didn’t Miles tell you he has his own apartment?”
I blinked at her, still not understanding how this correlated withleaving in the middle of the night. But I’d play along. “Yes. But he said it was so that he could be closer to campus. For studying.”
“That’s true.” She nodded, tapping her nails on the top of the desk. “But he’s not telling you the whole truth either. He had to get special permission to live away from the others. He’s only allowed since it’s already been established as part of your history.”
I felt myself frown.
“Throughout our early years, if we meet certain requirements, we’re required to learn the history of the Xing,” she said, neglecting to explain whoweentailed. Which, in my experience, meant everyone in the world besides me, since I always was the least informed person in the room at any given moment.
It was a reality that was beginning to get rather old.
“We study about your past lives. Especially your first ones, as well as the origins of your creation,” she explained.
I tried to suppress the shiver that shot down my spine. Even if she didn’t want to admit it—and from her callous explanation, she thought it was no big deal—the idea of people studying aboutmeseemed like a huge invasion of privacy.
Entirely creepy, to say the least.
“From historical accounts, Tu has always lived separately,” she continued. “He mediates alone and likes having the freedom to carry out his work. Jin—Titus—usually has multiple bases, but he resides with you when not working. I’ve rarely heard of Miles staying the night at Damen’s house, even though he’s always had a room. However, with you there now, I guess it’s to be expected. He’ll want to make up for lost time.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. Miles seemed more the clingy sort, and less aloof, to me.
But she was the expert.
“It doesn’t make it right.” I crossed my arms and glared at the desk. “He shouldn’t have left without saying anything.”
“Knowing him, he probably thinks he gave enough of an explanation. He’s never even bothered to leave a note in the past. You should feel honored.”
Honored, bah.
That was the furthest thing from how I felt right now.
Betrayed? That was more like it.
“You’re in a period of reflection right now,” Dr. Kohler said. “With Miles gone and things slowing down, you could take this time to learn more about him—and you. There are things you can do to keep busy.”
Maybe… Miles’s room had been terribly messy. And wouldn’t he be so happy to have a nice, clean bedroom once he came back?
I wondered where his apartment was.
“Do you realize you’ve spoken to me more these past five minutes, and given me greater insight into your thoughts and feelings, than any session we’ve had in all the years I’ve known you?” she asked.
The strange nature of the question pulled my attention back to her. “But… we’re just talking.”
What else did she expect? That I’d sit quietly like a fool?
“Usually you sit quietly in all our sessions.” She tapped her chin, her expression thoughtful. “And we’ve done play therapy before. I tried to get you to open up and trust me when you were younger. But you’d never participate.”
Why did I need to participate? Watching Dr. Kohler play with finger puppets had been entertainment in itself.
What did she want from me?
