Page 85 of Balance
He had to be wrong. Out of everything,separation anxietywas the last thing we needed right now. “I wasn’t like this in the hospital.”
“There was a lot going on,” he mused, stroking his chin, blue eyes distant. “And you really haven’t had anything to do but think about him being gone.”
Julian went silent, contemplative, and there were only the sounds of my erratic breaths and the water trickling nearby.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. This was such a disaster, but I’d been through worse. Once I could breathe again, I’d suck it up and move on. There was a name to this now; even if it was one that caused my pride to crumble, but still…
I could fake it.
Julian snapped out of his musings, disbelief radiating from him as he rounded on me. “Why in the world are you sorry?”
“Um…” Wasn’t it obvious? “B-because I’m a mess?”
“You arenota mess,” he said definitively, but he must have forgotten I could feel his emotions because the turmoil was thick between us, clouding my senses. “Though I didn’t think it’d happen to you, itiskind of expected, in a way.”
I sniffled, rubbing my sleeve under my nose. “What do you mean?”
“You don’t trust easily, and you’ve always liked having your own space,” Julian began, pulling out his handkerchief and dabbing at my eyes. “At the same time, the five of us share a unique connection, right? You’ve never felt this way with anyone else.”
I nodded.
“And you don’t get upset while I’m at classes, or while Damen and Titus work?”
I shook my head. That was different, because I knew that they were only a short car ride away and would be right back if necessary.
“We’ve been separated for most of your life, so maybe this is a temporary side-effect of that absence?” he ventured carefully. “It could go away as we begin to balance each other out.”
It had darn well better because this was not acceptable.
“See.” He grinned and poked my nose. “You’re still yourself. It’ll just take some time. Now,” he continued, twisting as he dipped his handkerchief in the water. “Let’s get you cleaned up, and then we can go back and tell Miles the truth about Sasquatch.”
But I already did…
“I’m joking, but we doneedto tell him about this,” Julian emphasized, his tone light. “He won’t be able to continue his research with Titus nearby, and Titus willnotleave you right now. If… you could even let him leave?”
I nodded slowly, shame washing over me. “I think so?” I offered. “I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense. I’m notworriedabout it, not the same way I am with Miles.”
Julian hummed, lips thinning as he thought. “Maybe…” he said slowly, unsure. “Maybe it’s because Miles is the next person you’re supposed to bond with?”
“I don’t know.” I pouted, frowning at my knees.
I didn’t know anything at all other than the fact that my stomach was queasy and my heart was beating so fast I thought it might burst. I hated it.
“I told him that I’d bond with him. He said no.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” Julian answered, wringing out the cloth with one hand. “He might have been open to it before, but he’s introspective and he overthinks. He overanalyzes everything, even if you don’t mean for something to be taken a certain way. Knowing him, he’ll probably try to avoid doing it now, because he’s afraid of overwhelming you.”
“But… it might get better if we finish this bond?” I bit my lip, the rushing water loud in my ears.
“Maybe?” Julian replied distractedly. “It’s just a theory.”
A theory we’d be testing straight away. Miles had no idea what was in store for him, because I refused to live like this.
“Here.” Julian turned his attention back to me, bringing the wet handkerchief to my face in one smooth movement. “Let’s get you cleaned up. That way you’ll be ready to go yell at Miles.”
He touched it to my cheek and darkness pricked at the edges of my vision; the cloth was brushed along the corner of my eye, and I couldn’t breathe.
Time and space ceased to have any meaning at all, and the forest, river, and even the soothing lull of Julian’s voice faded away.
