Page 64 of Ashes and Lilies
He was afraid.
“I say things without thinking sometimes.” Damen’s gaze never left mine. “It’s something I’ve been working on for a long time. And I’m not good at apologizing.”
This… wasn’t what I expected. I wasn’t certain what might happen, but this vulnerable side of him was uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable, but also flattering. In my need to absolve his feelings, I ignored my own.
“I’m not good at talking to girls outside of the immediate group, and you’re new,” Damen continued. “This is torture because you’re everything I’ve dreamed for my future wife.”
I had been contemplating this newest information about Damen’s humility, but his words caused my thoughts to slam to a halt. “I beg your pardon?”
It was impossible to miss the redness creeping over Damen’s neck. “The lace, the little shorts, the ribbon in your hair, your back—”
“That’s not what I meant!” I interrupted, narrowing my eyes. The pieces of this puzzle were falling into place, and I didn’t like the full picture.
His gaze flickered over my face. After a moment, he moved, turning me to face him as he fell to his knees in front of me. From this position, my face was slightly above his.
But I didn’t care how cute he looked. How dare he lie to me.
“What did you mean?” Damen’s shyness retreated. “Bianca?”
“What’s this about a wife?” I asked. “You’ve said that you can’t date—none of us can.”
His face turned red again. “Well, yes. That’s right. It’s not possible. But we can have physical relationships.”
My heartbeat pounded in my ears. “It doesn’t sound like you want to sleep around. It sounds like you want to have a girlfriend.”
It didn’t make sense; he said he wanted to be friends. Surely, he didn’t want me for… that.
Damen grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me forwarduntil our foreheads touched. His hands felt like a brand against my skin, shooting curls of warmth from his palm outward.
I was so distracted by his touch and the closeness of his mouth to mine that I almost missed his response.
“Yes,” he breathed so softly and full of emotion that my heart hurt. “I’ve wanted nothing more in life than to find the woman of my dreams, get married, have babies, and grow old together. I want to be normal.”
My stomach clenched painfully as his words mingled with the echo of my own desires.
I could understand how he felt. But why the pretenses and flirting?
I had never seen a man look so lonely before.
“Is that why you’re flirting with me?” I asked him.
Damen’s eyes popped open, and his head snapped back a few inches. “What?”
“Flirting,” I repeated, recalling some of the more elaborate attempts. “The four of you do it, and I’ve been so confused. I thought you all might be testing me.”
Damen blinked before answering. “You could tell that I was flirting?”
Had he lost his mind? There was no way he thought he was discreet.
“Of course.” I raised my eyebrow. “It was totally obvious. But since you couldn’t date, and we were friends, I figured something else might be the cause…”
My words trailed off as Damen pressed his finger against my lips. His eyes shone with an intensity that wasn’t there before. “I’ve been bad.” His lips quirked in a self-deprecating way. “I’m not supposed to flirt with you. I’ve always had a hard line. But I can’t hold back anymore.” He sighed, touching his forehead tomine again. “I don’t know what to do, baby girl. What should we do?”
I didn’t understand how to help, but the pain in his voice, the longing, and the sadness made me want to do whatever I could.
Was I hurting him?
