Page 59 of Where the Dark Knelt
They had no idea what had been going on with me during the past sixish weeks in my new life, except that I had partnered up with Will.
“No, Mom.” I sighed in mock frustration. “No romantic involvement with him, he’sSaffy’s boyfriend,” I answered exacerbated by my mom’s hope. I rolled my eyes, glad that she couldn’t see me, as she lived in the hope of me giving her early grandbabies.
My mom wanted me to be a teenage mom, and my dad wanted me to be a nun. Looks like both my parents were jinxed with me. My mother told me about Elle’s part in a West End Musical and how excited they all were for her.
Missing my friend, I was feeling bad that I had abandoned Elle in London to come to America, and I made a mental note to call her after arranging a time by email. It was our only means of contact, due to the time differences, Elle’s work, college, and her attending auditions. She was a dancer and worked odd hours.
I had known she was attending an audition on Friday, but Elle hadn’t caught up with me yet, to tell me she’d got the part.I berated myself for not being a better friend to her.
Homesickness hit me. I missed everyone back home, but even more so today, because of how I was feeling. I knew that what was happening was my own fault and I wanted to believe that everything would eventually be all right.
Chapter Twenty-Four
MISCONCEPTIONS
Saffyhad made dinner by the time my call was done, and us girls ate it together for the first time in ages. I lay back, rubbing my stomach. I was feeling fit to burst, stuffed full of her fabulous enchiladas. We were listening to her crooning about Will and his sexual prowess.
I began to feel a bit uncomfortable withsome of her comments. He felt like a brother, and I wouldn’t want to hear about my brother’s cock and sexual ability in bed. I also had to work with Will daily.
“Honestly, I had no idea thatsex was so… so sexy,”Saffygushed, her face completely serious. Holly and I howled with laughter at her. Holly figured thatSaffywas the epitome of a rock star when it came to sex.
Holly’ssummation ofSaffywas that she was usually ‘a use-‘em-up-and-toss-‘em-aside” kind of a girl, as far as sex was concerned. Holly deduced thatWillmust have something forSaffyto be harping on about him.
Our evening was fabulously indulgent.We talked about boys all evening, pampered each other, painted our nails, conditioned our hair, and did face masks. We all looked amess, and the apartment stunk of chemical and organic products.
We had a great time catching upthough. By the time I went to bed, I was feeling a lot better. That was until I was lying in the darkness of my room with my thoughts again.
My mind crept back to Alfie as it usually did when I had quiet time, especially in bed at night.Did he ever lie in bed and think about me? If he did, what exactly did he think about?
Tears gradually filled my eyes and silently streaked down the side of my templesoaking my pillow. I was so hurt and it didn’t help when I told myself it was my own fault. My heart had been shattered by a guy whose only interest in me was in mybody.I wasn’t crying for Max, I was crying for Alfie.
What made it worsefor me was that when he had taken me to his bed, he’d had the knack of making me feel like I was the most special woman in his world.How was he able to do that and feel nothing?It was sick, I was sick... lovesick. Alfie had become my first conscious thought in the morning and my last at night.
Learning to deal with the Max and Alfie issues, I put them to one side and concentrated on college life.I had begun to make friends in some of my other classes, and there were a couple of interesting indie-type performers that kept me entertained with their great lyric writing and cool music arrangements.
Neil and Mandy were doing greatas well. They were getting a lot of gigs and invited Will and me to join them a few times. We didn’t get paid. Well, we did–in beer–but we were at least showcasing ourselves. Neil was really encouraging us.
Apart from that, Will and Iwere getting a little following of our own, which was great. I used to feel that Mandy was just being kind to me because I was helping Will, but as more and more people asked questions about my musicbackground, I began to believe that maybe she really did see something in me.
Severalof my tutors and students commented that they thought I had ‘a recording voice’. Again, the first couple of times I heard this, I didn’t believe it. However, with it being said in a few settings now, I was starting to feel more comfortable about singing. People liked my voice.
There were several venues we playedat during that month where I crossed Alfie’s path more than once, but we never spoke. He always seemed to have a glamorous woman hanging off of his arm, and I always felt hurt whenever I saw him.
Several times he stared intensely at me, and I stared back, not wanting to back down and show him any weakness. In those moments, I felt our connection so strongly that the air seemed thicker in the room. A couple of times I thought he was going to come over and speak to me, but he never did.
Once, when I was grabbing some beers from the bar during a break in our set, I turned to see him watching me.His date was doing something with her phone. As I turned my head, my eyes instantly fixed on to his. Alfie smiled a little at me, stroking his thumb over his lips. My heart raced at his action, and I instantly wanted to be his thumb.
Angry feelings took over, as I struggled with how his blatantly sexy and flirty gestures could cause those brief, intense moments like that. I was frustrated that he didn’t want what I wanted between us, yet couldn’t leave me in peace.
Alfie’s selfish behavior wasexactly what I needed to help me move past him, and my rational side began to kick in. I’d seen him with eight different women, not including me, in the time I’d known him. Not that I was counting or anything.
His type… well they were all glamorous,older women. The only exceptions being me and the blonde girl that sat withhim that day on campus. No matter how many times I told myself I’d had a lucky escape with him, I still couldn’t shake the damn guy out of my system.
Everything about him screamed that I shouldn’t want anything to do with a guy like him. Deep down, I didn’t want to want him. I just needed to learnhownot to want him, and everything would be fine.
Tonight was different from all the other nightsthat we’d been to the same gigs. He was alone, drinking his beer slowly. He was listening intently and appeared to be scrutinizing the acts. This gig was like a mini festival. There was a lot of talent in the room. As well as Mandy, Neil, Will and I, there were four other bands performing.
Our group of friends wereall buzzing after the gig, chatting excitedly about how we did and what we thought of the other acts. Holly did a hilarious impersonation of Mandy singing, which we were laughing about, when Alfie suddenly appeared beside us.
