Page 58 of Where the Dark Knelt
It was ironic that this was the song that came to his mind. It’s about band members quitting on Steve before he became famous. It fitted in with my mood, not that I was going to be famous, but maybe Max would feel sorry for his treatment toward me one day.
Some beachgoers sat up to listen to us and applauded when we had finished our impromptu concert.Will and I were slightly embarrassed, but grinned and laughed about our spontaneous performance, which was anything but polished. “I feel much better after that.”
He slung an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me against him, side on. “I’m glad you’re feeling stronger, but now I had better make myself scarce beforeSaffycomes home, or she’ll be mad that we spent the day together on the beach.”
Will’s eyes looked moody and troubled now. “She’s possessive as hell, and as much as she loves you, Lily, she has trust issues.”
I looked wide-eyed and seriously at Will.“Agreed!” We packed up and headed back to the apartment, already aware thatSaffydidn’t like us spending time together as it was.
I stroked Will’s arm.“Thank you so much for today, and for telling me. It means a lot to me that you have my back.”
Will took my hand, squeezedit, and brought it to his lips. It was a tender thing to do.“Always.” Leaning in, he kissed my forehead gently. Will’s lips were soft and warm. It felt so comforting. Turning away, I walked inside, rummaging in my bag for my keys. There was a text message envelope showing on my phone.
Max: Missed hugging you last night. Missing me?
I found my keys, dragged myself inside, and sat down heavily on the couch beforereplying.
Lily Parnell: Coping well, so much better than I thought I would.
Max: Cool, I’ll try to find time to see you soon.
I took a deep breath, I didn’t want to play games with people’s lives, and I didn’t want them to play them with mine.
Lily Parnell: would you tell Kelly it’s me you’re coming to see?
I waited for a return text, and when it didn’t arrive immediately, it confirmed what Will suspected. Well, at least Max didn’t protest his innocence, or worse, say that she meant nothing to him. I knew him well enough. He knew I knew him too, so he’d be trying to find a way around hurting me whilst saving face. I wasn’t surprised when the next text arrived ten minutes later.
Max: Ah, too complex to explain by text or phone we’ll talk when Icome to see you.
I knew I needed to be completely honest with him and that there would be no repeat of what we had in the future.
Lily Parnell: No explanation necessary, Max, we’re friends. I used you for sex, just like you used me. You’ve done all the ‘coming’ you’re going to do with me, chapter closed. Don’t hurry back, but we will get past this forSaffy’ssake.
My phone rang immediately, caller ID showed Max. I let it ring out, switched it off, and threw it back in my bag. When I did this, I knew I’d be strong enough to get past this hump in my life.
I wasn’t happy with the person I was turning into here.Everything I was doing was so out of character for me. Maybe I was giving out vibes I wasn’t aware of, and I needed to be far less trusting of men.
The most honest thing that’s happened to me was Alfie,which didn’t say much for me as a person at all.Why had I been willing to have sex with someone that didn’t care how I felt?
Worse, I was still coming to terms with how much I missed him, even though I ended the arrangement.I was horrified with the thought I still missed him, even when I was wrapped in Max’s arms.
Nothing about Alfie felt easy though, but his slightest touch made my body respond impulsively. When he touched me, my body hummed and buzzed, like an electrical charge had been applied.
Correction, he even made me feel weak without touching me. I thought I understood Superman’s Achilles’ heel ‘thing’ much better now with the kryptonite as Alfie was mine.
Why had all my relationships been so complicated lately.I had to admit it wasn’t like that with Will though, except thatSaffywas an issue for us.
We had to come up with a white lie today to make it easier on her.Will and I agreed to tell her that I was brought home by him, but that was the extent of our contact outside of college today.
I felt bad that we couldn’t be truthful with her, but for all our sakes, itwas better to play it off as if our time spent outside of college was minimal, and we didn’t just hang today, no matter how innocent it was.
Feigning sickness, I said that Will had driven me home. Saffystill probed me about it though. “Where did he go afterwards?”
I felt bad lying. “Not sure, I think he went home.”
Well, it was a kind of honest… I mean… he did leave me and go home. Saffyseemed satisfied with this and went to change before dinner. I decided to home to the UK tonight. I felt I needed to hear my parents’ voices and tried to draw strength from talking to them.
I did well to cover up how I was feeling, because I knewat the first hint of discord, my parents would have dramatically swooped in and brought me home. I was sounding so upbeat when I spoke to my parents, I almost convinced myself I was fine.
