Page 69 of Where the Dark Knelt
Alfielooked hurt. His eyes pierced mine, then searched my face. “I told you the reason for that,” he muttered softly, wandering over to rest a hand on my waist, despite my request for him not to touch me.
“Could you be miserable because we’re not together,Lily?”His voice sounded seductive again and my breath hitched.
I dug deep and found the strength to argue back. “Alfie… we were never together. We just fucked a few times, that’s all.” I took a step backward from him.
He waved a hand up and away from his body. “Okay, have it your way. Go, but know this, I never meant to hurt you.” Swallowing audibly, his eyes softened. “I want you. YouknowI want you. I just can’t love you. I really,reallylike you though, Lily. I’d like to spend time with you. We could have some amazing times together.”
Exhaling heavily, Alfie lookedseriously at me, and I wished I didn’t love him. “Can you at least think about what we talked about today? Will you text me? Promise me you’ll text me… I still want to know how you are. If I can’t have you physically, I’d like to be your friend.”
I gave him a small smile, even though I wasn’t feelingconfident about his suggestion, but I was still in his home and wanted to appear amicable. “Sure, I’ll think about it.”Even as I said it, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be in a place where I felt able to be just friends with Alfie.
Turning, I headed for his front door and was on the other side of it walking toward my car before he could respond. The last thing I wanted was Alfie coming after me.
Inserting my key in the ignition, I started the car and droveslowly out of the driveway. In my rearview mirror I saw Alfie standing by the window, his head down, rubbing the back of his neck.
Steeringthe car in the right direction, I glanced back again at the window. He looked up with a sad expression on his face. Alfie placed his palm over his breastbone and began to rub it. I kind of wished that his action was because his heart ached because I was leaving, but I knew better than that.
Everything I felt about him, made me feel raw, so I tried to block thoughts of him out on the way home.When I got into the safety of my bedroom, I threw myself onto my bed, facedown, and sobbed my heart out again.
My body ached for him.Everything about him was perfect to me, except his lack of commitment. He was bad for me. I fell asleep for about fifteen minutes and woke with my cell buzzing.
Will: B there in fifteen.
Shit. I’doverslept. I practically threw myself in the shower, pulled on some blue cargo pants and a cream T-shirt and was lacing my sandals up whenSaffy walked in. “Will’s waiting for you, honey.” She smiled. “I didn’t get much sleep. I went to Will’s place, to wait for him getting back from his meeting last night,” she informed me, smiling ruefully.
I felt guilty but covered itup by trying to change the subject and threw a cushion at her. “You are both like rabbits!”I’d been part of Will’s meeting and hoped my feelings of guilt didn’t show. They didn’t appear to as she winked back at me.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
PUTTING IT OUT THERE
Iwas out of breath when I got into Will’s car. “Hey,” I greeted him, gasping a little. Will had obviously had a good night, and grinned when he saw me. “Hi, beautiful, how are you this morning?”
Managing a half smile, I replied,“Okay.” Will was pulling out of the condo parking lot and stole a glance at me after pulling out onto the road.
“Are you sure?”
Looking again at me, his eyes narrowed, before focusing again on the road. “Okay, what’s the deal, because you were fine when I left you last night.” Will knew me well now, I couldn’t fool him. I sighed and inhaled sharply before controlling my voice.
“I had a very interesting conversation with someone I used to be involved with last night, it’s made me… I don’t know, confused, I suppose.”
Will reached over and took my hand. “Max?”
I shook my head. “From home… in London?” he asked again.
I felt bad. I hadn’t been honest with Will. I needed tocome clean with him about Alfie. “No Will, about Alfie… there’s more to it than I’ve been letting on.”
Will let go of my hand, and he gripped the steering wheel, his head snapping around to look at me. “Alfie?What do you mean, I don’t understand? He ignores you for the most part.”
I filled Willin about how I met Alfie on campus and about my no-strings sex with him. I stopped short of using the title ‘fuck buddy’.
Sitting quietly, his mouth pursed in a tight line, he lookedahead at the road. Stealing glances at me every now and then, he mulled over what I had told him.
“Are you serious, Lily? This isn’t one of your practical jokes?” I shook my head and had no idea what was running through his mind. Probably that he didn’t know me at all.
“I’m not proud of it, Will.” I would have to accept it if Willdidn’t trust me at all now, but I couldn’t go on letting him defend me about Alfie. I’d been fooling him when he was angry with Alfie for ignoring me.
Dark and angry eyes looked back at me. “Did that bastard play you, Lily? Did heforce you into having sex with him?”
