Page 68 of Where the Dark Knelt
His face was full of concern, but I asked him to leave me alone and he did, closing the door behind him.
All I could think about was his touch and that he didn’t want me. His bed smelled of him, and I inhaled his pillow, then lay down and cried hard into it. My sobs racked through my body until my throat and my head ached.
Rolling onto my side, I pulled my knees up tightly.It was like I was trying to protect myself, but it was too late. My soul had been ripped from my body, and he was playing with it. I lay there rocking myself for the longest time until eventually I fell asleep, exhausted.
WhenI stirred, it was to a low grinding noise. Then I realized it was coffee being ground in the kitchen. I could feelthe warm sun on my face and before I opened my eyes, I felt calm. But then I remembered I had to face Alfie and panicked. I jumped to a sitting position with wide eyes.
The sunlight streamed through the large window with the blindsthat never got drawn down when I went to bed. Remembering I was in his bed, I scrambled out of it and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.Oh. My. God, I can’t be here.
I began to clean myself up, my eyelids were puffy, and I looked tired. My eyes were clear and shiny though, and I looked a little ‘doe eyed’ after my marathon sobbing session, but my skin glowed. I put my clothes on in a hurry, putting two legs down the one leg of my crop pants in my haste. My body just wouldn’t cooperate.
Finger brushing my hair, I scrubbed myteeth with some paste and was tempted to use his toothbrush. I found some chewing gum in my purse and popped it in my mouth to erase the final traces of bad breath.
Standing watching him from my vantage pointat the top of the stairs, Alfie was singing along to the radio, wearing boxer shorts that hung low on his hips, and nothing else.
How was I supposed to deal with this?I couldn’t stopmyself from staring at his form. His appearance was mesmerizing to me, an incredible, beautiful man; the contours of his profile were perfect. As he moved around the kitchen, different muscle groups flexed and relaxed with his movements.
There he was going about his daily routine like nothing had happened, didn’t have a care in the world. Again, he had managed to distract me without any effort.
He tilted his head in the direction of the stairs, his eyes fixed on me when he noticed me standing there. His lips curled and spread into a wide grin. As soon as he engaged with me, I hadn’t been able to retrieve the practiced phrases Iwanted to use on him, because they went clean out of my head when his eyes connected with mine.
My plan was going to be a quick thank you for allowing me to stay, a request for him to leave me alone, and I was going to be on my way home.I never got to say any of it because he spoke while I was still collecting my thoughts.
“Feeling better?”Nope.I forced a smile.
“Yeah, yesterday kind of sucked,” I croaked and smiled wryly. My body let me down again, when he raked me over with his eyes, by blushing.
I felt awkward and hugged myself before I began to move toward the door. “Okay, well, thanks for the bed, but I need to run. All my stuff is back at my place.Do you need a ride to your car, or can you get someone to help you?”
He raised his brow. “I could come to your place, and you could take me to get my car after college,” he suggested.
I shrugged, but I knew I was going to ask Will to help me out there.Alfie pulled at his bottom lip with his index finger and thumb. “Lily, can I ask you something?” I really didn’t want to get into another argument with him this morning. I nodded but didn’t speak.
“Is it better with Will? Is he a stronger lover?” I felt so hurt. He still thought I was sleeping with Will. I stood still, trying not to show the shock and rage I was feeling at his presumption.
“You both play together like you are lovers, when he’s blowing his sax, I wonder if he’s imagining he’s blowing you, Lily.” He smirked.
I laughed almost hysterically at his comment. “You’re absurd! You do know that, right?”
Alfie poured himself a coffee, but didn’t make light of it, and I realized he really was serious about Will and me. “I’m sorry, my bad. It’s none of my business.”
I sighed tiredly. “Damn right it isn’t. What Will and Ihave… is much stronger than anything physical.” Alfie looked like he didn’t get that. “Will doesn’t get to screw my body, Alfie. What he does do is he fucks my heart and soul. We have an emotional connection.”
Alfie had a strange look on his face. “I don’t like to think of him with you, Lily.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Jealousy’s an emotion, Alfie.”
“I’m not jealous, but if you’re having sex with him, then that makes my chances less.”
I thought about how black and white everything was to him.
“How can you even say stuff like that and think it’s okay? What Will and I do is none of your business, Alfie. All you need to know is that you and I aren’t sleeping together ever again.”
Alfie pouted his lips as he looked sadly toward me. “Any chance we can fix this, Lily?” He leaned back on the counter, his hips tilting in my direction.
Looking so sexy, standing there in his navy boxers, his toned body stretched and flexed as he rocked slightly,I really wanted to slide my arms around his waist and press my face to his chest.
Instead, I shook my head lamely.“Alfie, all I know is since I’ve met you, apart from the nights we spent together, I have never felt so miserable in my life. So that’s a resounding no. I used to be upbeat, an eternal optimist. But those nights with you, and then you pretending I don’t exist around other people, changed all that for me. I’ve never felt so insignificant in my life.”
