Page 74 of Where the Dark Knelt
“Come on, we have a booth booked, butwe only have three hours today.” We took our refreshments with us, and I was concerned about how Will’s problem would affect our work.
Saffywas so important to me, but Will had become such a big part of my life since my arrival at college.“Listen,Will,Saffyis over there.”I put one hand to one side of me and gestured between us with the other hand. “We’re here. We need to compartmentalize her for the sake of our work. We’ll deal with what’s going on when you are ready to talk.”
Will nodded. “Thanks,” he muttered quietly. The session went terribly. I was having difficulty feeling the music with him today.
Will was shrouded in misery and wasn’t connected. Neither of us could anticipate changes in the way we usually could. After two hours I decided enough was enough. “Right, you’re coming with me.” I got our stuff together. “Come on!”
Will dragged himself slowly behind me. He didn’t protest or argue,it was as if he needed to be told what to do. We reached my car. “Get in,” I ordered. Will got in the car, and I drove out of the college. “Don’t you want to know where we’re going?” Will looked at me.
“Seems like you’re the boss of me today,” he muttered, giving me a rueful smile.
“Are you ready to talk now, Will?” He sighedheavily, and when he spoke his voice was shaky.
“I’m struggling,” he said, stating the obvious to me.
“I can see that.” I squeezed his hand, and pulledover, into a beach park. I parked the car and turned to face him. “Get out.”
Will looked over at me. “Here?”
I nodded. “Being on the beach worked for my outpouring, it’s your turn today.” The beautiful white sandy beach was deserted.
We were both in shorts and T-shirts, so we sat on the sand near the shoreline. “Okay, Will, shoot!” Will played with the sand, not looking up.
“It’s so difficult, Lily.”
“Obviously, or you wouldn’t look like shit and not be ableto eat a donut.” I smiled, lacing the fingers of his hand in mine.
“If I say it, it changes everything. For me, for us, forSaffy.” I panicked thinking I was somehow involved in his angst.
“Right, firstly, I feel secure enough to be honest with you, Will. No matter what it is, we’ll weather it. I can’t speak forSaffy, but I’ll support you if I can, but it is difficult to know to what extent until I know what it is.”
I held Will’s hand, taking it from the sand and placed it over my heart. He laced and unlaced his fingers through mine absentmindedly, then squeezed them.
“You know the other day when you said that I knew the feeling you had about being hurt? Well, you were right. I was doing well, just beginning to heal withSaffy and your friendship. You are two very special people in my life.” I smiled, touched by his words, and squeezed his fingers back.
“My girl, Leanne, split with me because I chose to come to college. She wanted me to get a regular job and get married. It took me two extra years to save the money to be here. My dad worked too hard to give me everything he had.I wouldn’t take all that he had to do it, so I worked my way here.” I listened to him talk about his life and realized that outside of college, we hadn’t talked much about life pre-college.
“Then my uncle died and left his house to me. Leanne wanted to move in and get married. She was pressuring me. My dad wanted me to sell it to pay for college. He believes in me and wants me to be happy.”
He shrugged.“I couldn’t sell the house because I couldn’t part with it. My uncle was special to me, and he built that house.” My heart surged with affection for Will. He was a good person, with a strong sense of right and wrong, good values and beliefs, and love for the people he cared about.
I felt he wasn’t getting to the point, digressing from themain issue that was affecting him. “So, Will, tell me what it is that’s hurting you so much.” He swallowed.
“I care aboutSaffy, Lily.” I waited but he couldn’t go on.
“But?” I prompted. Will’s internal struggle showed on his face, he sighed and blew his breath out.
“Leanne says she’s pregnant.”
I hugged him. I felt so bad for him. “This changes everything, Lily. I can’t stay at college. I need to work to support her and my child.”
I felt angryfor him, this was so unfair. I could help him if it came down to money. I was wealthy enough, but I needed to know more.
“No, Will, you are not giving up, not when you’ve come this far.” Will’s expression looked dejected.
“It’s pointless, Lily. She’s going to have to move in with me here, and I’ll need to work. I feel bad you’re going to have difficulty finding someone to collaborate with this late into the year.”
He rubbed his forehead, clearly miserable. My heart broke for him.
