Page 73 of Dark Shaman: Eternal Hope
"And a loss for me," Tula whispered.
"Not necessarily," Tamira said, that strange hope still shining in her eyes.
"Stop being so cryptic," Raviki said with frustration. "If you know something, tell us."
"I don't. Not yet, but we will come up with something, and in the meantime, I don't want Tula to do anything drastic." Tamira looked at Tula with pleading eyes. "Please, just don't lose hope."
Tula let out a sigh. "Don't worry. I don't have the courage to throw myself off the cliff." She looked at Areana and wondered if her oldest friend thought the same thing she did.
Carol had thrown herself off the cliff, but it had been a ruse. Annani's clan came to rescue them, but Areana had refused to leave Navuh, and Tula had refused to abandon Areana.
Things were different now, though. Loyalties had shifted. The child growing in her belly took precedence over her loyalty to Areana.
Would they come for her, though?
Would Areana ask Annani to send help?
Tula doubted that. She was a nobody, a servant girl who had grown into a lady of the harem only because she was an immortal and Navuh needed to maintain the fiction of having relations with all his immortal concubines.
The tears she'd been fighting finally won, spilling down her cheeks in hot streams. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to protect this child."
Suddenly she was surrounded, her sisters wrapping their arms around her in a group embrace that smelled of different perfumes and felt like a safety net, even though it was an illusion.
The only one who could help her was Areana, and Tula doubted the goddess would come through for her.
After all, why did Tula deserve a better fate than her mistress or the other ladies of the harem? They had all been forced to give up their sons. What gave her the right to demand something different for herself?
When they finally pulled apart, Tula wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I need you all to keep this secret," she said. "At least for now. I need time to figure out what to do, how to deal with this."
"Of course," Liliat said, and the others nodded their agreement.
"But you need to tell Tony," Areana said gently. "He has a right to know, and you'll need his support."
Tula nodded, though the thought of that conversation made her stomach turn. She was stifling so much anger, not just at the situation but also at Tony. How could he be so oblivious or so cowardly?
He claimed he loved her, but his actions didn't confirm his words.
Seeing Elias with Tamira put Tony's behavior in stark relief. Tony was selfish, and he cared about his survival and his comfort above all. Elias would lay down his life for Tamira. Tony would not do that for Tula.
Tamira stepped closer, and Tula saw tears in her friend's eyes. For a moment, she thought it was pity, and she started to pull away. She didn't want pity. But Tamira's expression stopped her.
"I know what it's like," Tamira whispered. "To carry a child for nine months, to hold him and love him for a few precious months, and then to have him taken away. I know the emptiness that follows, the ache that never really goes away. But that short experience is worth having." She looked into Tula's eyes. "I know you won't believe me, but if I had to do it again, I would. I'd rather create that life and carry it inside of me for nine months, fall in love with my child, and nurse him for a short while,than not have that at all. The time you have, however brief, is precious. And who knows? The future isn't written yet."
29
TAMIRA
Tamira stood at the balcony doors of her room, watching Eluheed and Tony toil in the indoor courtyard. The automated lighting system was sophisticated enough to mimic the gradual color shifts of real twilight, but it was still just an imitation and couldn't compare to the real thing.
The conversation in the gazebo kept replaying in her mind. Tula's tears, the desperation in her voice, the way she'd pressed her hand over her belly while speaking of the child's doomed future. It was one thing to suspect a pregnancy, and another thing to hear Tula confirm it. The anguish in her voice had torn an old wound open in Tamira's chest.
She knew that pain intimately.
The memory of holding Darien in her arms, his beautiful eyes locked on hers, the expression of ultimate trust on his little face that she'd been forced to betray, it was all still as vivid in her mind as the day she'd first held him, the sweet scent of him, the way his tiny fingers had wrapped around hers with such strength. Nine months of feeling him grow inside her, thoseprecious few months of nursing him, and then the empty ache that never truly healed.
But Tula didn't have to suffer the same fate. Not if Tamira could help it.
With a sigh, she turned away from the glass doors and crossed the room to sit on the couch. Once Eluheed returned, she would tell him that Tula was coming with them.
