Page 43 of Savage SEAL's Virgin
I had no idea why he’d ask me such a personal thing. She and I had messed around, but no words of love had ever been exchanged. “How much did she tell you about me, if I may ask?”
“She told us a lot about you. She told us that you were a nice man. She told us you were an honorable man.”
I felt like he was leaving out something. “She was a wonderful woman, an excellent soldier, and I was proud to call her a friend, sir. She will be missed. But I have a feeling you’re leaving something out.”
“Oh, did I not mention that she also told us that you are Tatum’s father? And the only thing your daughter wanted for her fifth birthday was to meet her father.”
What the fuck!
Blyss
Tears filled my eyes the entire way to town. The cabbie was nice enough not to ask me any questions and that was appreciated. I had no idea why I’d left Troy’s home. I just had to leave. I’d found myself alone long enough to pack up my things and call a cab. But halfway down the drive, I’d wanted to get out and go back. Only I hadn’t allowed myself to do that.
Troy had called me from every number he could, but I’d sent them all to voicemail and erased all his messages without listening to them. I thought a nice, clean break would be the easiest way to go. But as I sat in a hotel room in Napa Valley, trying to decide how I wanted to get down to Stanford, I couldn’t figure out exactly why I’d left. Troy wasn’t mean to me, he didn’t cheat or lie, and I loved him. So why did I leave him?
I decided to call the therapist I’d seen once since I’d gone home with Troy. She told me she’d come right over to talk to me. Even as I waited for her to arrive, I battled myself about that. Maybe I just wouldn’t let her in when she got here. Maybe I’d leave so she couldn’t find me. All I could think about was being alone and how that felt normal to me. Nothing I’d been doing felt normal, except loving Troy. That felt completely natural. But even that took time to feel that way.
A knock at the hotel room door had me questioning whether to answer it or not. But my body wasn’t letting my head rule it. I got up without thinking and answered the door. “Hi, Sharon. Thanks for coming.” I stepped back and let her in.
She surprised me after I closed the door. I was suddenly wrapped in her arms as we swayed back and forth. “Blyss, you poor girl.” She let me go, then took my hand, pulling me over to the sofa. “I expected to see you at least once more this last week. Our initial session wasn’t deep enough to do you any good work. And now you’ve left Troy. Did he do something to you that you felt compelled to do this?”
“He, um, well, he kind of did do something. I don’t know that it warranted leaving, but I just had this flight response.” I laid back on the sofa and tried to relax, so I could get as much out as I possibly could. I had decisions to make and I felt like I had little time to make them.
“Okay, tell me what he did.” She sat in the chair across from me and crossed her legs, taking a pen and pad of paper out of her bag.
“I want to get a place in Stanford and go to school on campus. He wants me to take online classes and stay at his parents’ place.”
“Did you ask him to come with you to Stanford.” She posed a good question.
I had to ponder it. Had I ever asked him to come with me?
“No.”
“Do you not want him to be with you?”
“I do want him with me. I think.”
“You think? Well, that’s interesting. Don’t you think so?”
“I love Troy. I’ve never loved anyone in my entire life. But I’m out of my element. I just want to get back to how life was. This was a little vacation for me. The plan to take on a role for a few months, then I’d get back to my normal life. Alone.”
“Alone? Hmm.” I looked over and saw her writing things, then she looked at me. “Being alone in this world isn’t only bad for your psyche, but it’s dangerous too. We’re not solitary beings. We’re meant to live in packs, just like cavemen did at the beginning of time. Our minds and bodies are hardwired for making our own little packs or families.”
“But being alone is …” I searched for the word to use to explain how it made me feel when I was alone. “Safe. It’s safe. I can blend in and become nearly invisible. When I’m with Troy, I stand out. He demands attention wherever he goes. He’s just that kind of man.”
“And you don’t like attention?” She sat there with her pen poised as she waited for my answer.
“I have never liked it. And once I had it, it got my ass beaten. So, no, I don’t like attention.”
“That was an unfortunate thing that happened to you, Blyss. But it was a thing that could’ve been avoided. You took risks.”
“I agree. Life with Troy is a risk too. I don’t want to be hurt anymore.” I turned to lie on my side and drew my knees up, wrapping my arms around them.
Sharon looked me dead in the eyes. “How do you think Troy will hurt you?”
Words spilled from my mouth without giving my brain time to think. “He could stop loving me. That would hurt more than anything I’ve ever gone through.”
“Love can be scary, even to individuals who’ve experienced it before with their parents. And you haven’t had that type of love, either. But you know what they say about facing what scares you, right?” she said with care and concern.
