Page 46 of Filthy Commitments
He nuzzled me and whispered, “I wish there was a way to show you how much I love you. I wish there was a way for me to fast-forward time to the place that would be perfect for all I want with you. But there’s not. So, all I can do is tell you the words and hope you believe them. We’ve both told lies, but never to each other. I’m never going to let you go. Not unless you make me.”
I tried not to let that sink into my head and affect me. I failed and kissed his chest. “I’ll never make you let me go, Jett. I love you. And I know time is a hard thing to take. Especially when you’ve lived like you’re married. But I don’t want to go out in a blaze of glory. We burn too hot. I don’t want to burn too fast as well.”
He kissed the top of my head. “I know. You’re right. I’m spoiled rotten.”
Maybe he was spoiled. Maybe he was just too used to getting what he wanted when he wanted it. Money could do that to a person.
“Don’t talk like that about yourself. You’re not spoiled.”
“I am, Asia. And I’m bratty, obsessive, compulsive, controlling.”
I hated when he did that. He was so hard on himself. “Sweet, caring, handsome, fun, wonderful, generous.”
“I’m not so generous. Where you’re concerned, I am. I’ve never been that way with anyone else. With you, I’m a better man. I don’t know how you found that guy inside of me. I never knew he was in there. I’ve been self-absorbed, self-serving, and just plain selfish. And I’m sorry for trying to force things to move faster. I’ll try harder not to do that. That’s the selfish man inside of me doing that.”
Looking up at him, I found myself sad. “I don’t care what you say, I know you’re a good man. We’re supposed to be going to sleep you know. This isn’t the time for reflection.”
“Yes, Mom.” He kissed me sweetly on my lips. “I’ll go to sleep now. And even though I know I shouldn’t say this, I will anyway. You’re going to make a great mom. Whenever you decide the time is right for that.”
With a little smile, I laid my head back on his chest. At first, I felt great. I thought we’d made some good strides. Then I felt kind of shitty. Kind of selfish.
I wasn’t thinking like a couple. I was thinking like a single person, the way I always had. His wants, needs, opinions mattered just as much as mine did.
Being a couple was hard to learn how to do. I thought I’d talk to my sisters about it. They’d been married for years. Surely, they’d have some great insight on the subject.
But I couldn’t tell them Jett wanted us to have a baby. Not so soon. They’d freak the fuck out.
I was caught in a rough spot. I needed people to talk to but couldn’t reveal what Jett and I had really done. The things that made us so close so damn fast.
I’d been dead tired and about to fall asleep. Now I was wide awake and thinking I had no one to talk to about any of this.
How’d I gotten myself into a situation that would be so hard to fucking explain without getting some horrible looks and harsh words? And if I said a thing to my family I could add in mandatory therapy.
I’d really screwed myself!
Jett
The drive to Spring and Max’s house was hard for me the next day. Asia’s parents had arrived, I was about to meet them. The thought of looking her father and mother in the eye, knowing I’d bought their daughter, was eating away at me.
“Okay, so we met online, a dating site.” I hit the button to roll the window down. “I need some fresh air.”
“Why are you acting so nervous, Jett?” Asia tossed her hair over her shoulder and looked at me like I was crazy. “It’s just my parents. They’re nice people.”
“Oh, I’m sure they are. And I’m not nice people. I’m a man who purchased their daughter from a fucking BDSM club.” I wiped sweat off my brow.
“They will never know all that. Stop worrying.” She reached into her purse and pulled out some tissues then wiped my forehead. “I’ve never seen you like this.”
Glancing sideways at her, I felt a knot forming in my stomach. “The guilt is getting to me. I can’t seem to stop it.”
I didn’t want to go to that house. I wanted to keep on driving until we got back home. Home, the place where Asia and I could be all alone and not face anyone we didn’t want to. A place we could hide away from it all. A place I felt safe with her.
Why did we meet on circumstances that no one could ever know about? Why did I go looking for a fake wife? Why did I take on a sub? Why was I so damn evil?
“Jett, don’t let guilt get to you. You’ve been so nice. You’re like the least dominating Dom I’ve ever heard of.”
“That’s actually very hurtful to hear. I was a good Dom. I was stern, strict as hell, and I never got emotionally involved with any of my subs or the women at the club I had sessions with.”
“I guess you’ve moved past all that. I suppose you no longer need that since you’ve found love.” She looked out the window and noticed the fact that I was driving right past her sister’s house. “Jett, stop! That’s it right there.”
