Page 58 of Nightclub Surprise
Life as I’d known it was over. But then again, I supposed it’d been over since the night I’d made up my mind to sleep in my own room. I had no one but myself toblame.
I knew our relationship was more than mere sex. I was the one who took everything off the table. Not just the sex, but every little act of intimacy. I didn’t like to be alone with August at all, knowing I’d want him if we werealone.
I’d been cold at times, shutting myself down to avoid having any arousal for the man. My body had craved him, but I had managed to lock that craving away, telling myself that I had to get stronger before I could deal withthat.
It seemed I’d waited toolong.
Christmas morning came, and so did his family. My mother and father came, too. It was my mother who noticed the absence of the ring. “Tawny, you’re not wearing your engagementring.”
Her words caused many sets of eyes to shift toward my hand. Before I could think of anything to say, August came to my side. Always the hero. “We might as well get this out in the open. Tawny and I won’t be getting married. She will continue to live here for as long as Calum does, though. We’ll continue to raise our son together. We’ve agreed to do what’s best for him, and we do have love in our hearts for one another. We’ll never hurt each other, and Calum will always be putfirst.”
My jaw clenched, and I couldn’t say a word. My brain screamed at me that this was all my fault. If I had tried to work around the problem, then we’d still be in love and getting married. Instead, we were surrounded by pitying eyes as our families learned our sad state ofaffairs.
Leila sighed heavily and leaned against her husband, who ran his arm around her, holding her close. Those two barely lived together with his work schedule, and yet they’d had half a dozen kids and found a way to make it allwork.
Why couldn’t I figure out how to make it work no matter what the obstacles were? I wasn’t a dumb person. So why had I resolved myself tothis?
Christmas Day was long and hard and full of awkward conversations. August’s mother had slipped up and mentioned finding the perfect little mother-of-the groom dress at some shop in Napa Valley. Her eyes had gone wide as she remembered that she wouldn’t need it anymore. Then her eyes went to August, who sat near Calum, before traveling to me, pity and sadness filling them once more as she apologized for sayingthat.
August and I stood side by side that night, saying goodbye to everyone as they left the foyer to head to their homes. Then the three of us turned around to head upstairs: me to bathe Calum, August to read to himafterward.
Was this how life would be from now on? And if so, just how long could I takeit?
If I was unhappy before, I’d become completelymiserable.
Calum’s smile had faded as we made our way up the stairs. “So, you guys really aren’t gettin’ marriednow?”
I’d mentioned something to Calum earlier in the day, before anyone had arrived, and he hadn’t had much of a reaction—I guess it was because he didn’t think it was real. This was the first time he mentioned it since. August and I exchanged looks. “Nah, not right now,” August said lightly, like it wasn’t a big deal at all. “But that’s not going to change a thing, don’t you worry,buddy.”
“Do you think you might get married someday and then we could be a real family?” he asked as we reached the top of the stairs, and he stopped to turn back to look at us. “And what about the brothers and sisters you said you wanted me to have? What about them? What about all the plans?” Calum burst into tears, great heaving sobs that tore at my heart. I wished I could fix everything forhim.
But there wouldn’t be any fixing it. So, I stood there, frozen on the staircase as August, the hero, scooped our son up., “Things are going to be fine, Calum,” he murmured softly. “Momma and Daddy will always love you, and we’ll always be a family—just in a different way. You don’t have tocry.”
The two of them continued on to Calum’s room, leaving me alone. My legs felt weak, and I sat on the top step, putting my face in my hands. It wasn’t just my life that was falling apart before my eyes—it was my son’s, too. Maybe not as badly as some people’s do, but for us, it was bad. And then there was August, strong as hell on the outside, but ripped to shreds on theinside.
August must’ve seen the state I was in, because he called back to me. “I’ve got him, Tawny. I’ll give him his bath and put him to bed. ’Night.”
Instead of heading to my room, I went back downstairs. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. All I could do was berate myself internally for screwing everythingup.
I headed out to the garage, where I got into a random car and drove off, not wanting to see the mansion August let me live in, not wanting to be around the two people I loved more than anything. I’d failed them bothimmeasurably.
August had always been my hero, but I couldn’t bring myself to be one to him or ourson.
Selfishbitch!
That’s all I kept saying to myself as I just kept driving. I didn’t realize where I was heading until I’d arrived at August’s nightclub, Swank. Opening night was only a weekaway.
Parking the car across the street, I looked at what they’d built. The building was a masterpiece even though it hadn’t been lit up yet. I wondered if August still wanted me to be his date for the grandopening.
And if he did, would Igo?
People usually kissed their dates as the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve. I couldn’t allow that to happen. One kiss from him now would tear meapart.
I decided to tell him to find another date. I couldn’t expect him to take me when we weren’t even datinganymore.
And how would I react to seeing another woman on hisarm?
The thought made me sick to mystomach.
