Page 25 of Liberating Bells
“No, Bells, I could never hate you.” I look at her wryly and aim for a joke. “I think that’s moreyourdepartment. What did you used to say to me? Youloathedmy very existence?”
She doesn’t laugh as she curls her legs up underneath her, making herself even smaller. “I loved you, you know.”
I didn’t miss how she used the past tense.Loved. As in sheused tolove me. Arrow straight through the heart. I guess we’re having this conversation now.
I carefully adjust in my seat next to her on the couch, putting my own drink on the table. I rest my hand on her knee. “I know.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just drowning on the inside,” she mumbles. “I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“It’s okay.”
Her blue eyes meet mine, and they’re brimming with tears. “It’s not okay. How can you say that? I ruined everything.”
I cup her jaw again. “Bells, you didn’truinanything. We had some good years. But it wasn’t meant to be. We may have been right for each other, but it just wasn’t the right time. It took me a long time, and trying to move on has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But we both made our choices.”
“And have you? Moved on?”
I look at her but don’t say anything. I can see the crossroads in front of me as clear as day. Both paths lead to different outcomes, neither of them good for either of us. I remind myself of who I am, who she is.
My Bells.
I can feel her holding her breath, waiting for my answer. My eyes search her face, looking for some clue as to how I’m supposed to move forward.
She shifts her face ever-so slightly into my hand, and that does it for me. I move toward her in rapid motion, claiming her lips with mine. Izabel freezes in shock, but then quickly responds, arching her back into me.
My lips trail over hers, testing, learning. I trace the outline of her mouth with my tongue, and she opens for me with a surprised gasp. I don’t hesitate as I move forward, taking her for myself. My hand moves from her jaw down her neck and shoulders, across her chest to her rib cage, then to her waist. I grip her there, pulling her into me.
Izabel’s hands are doing their own exploring. She tangles them in my hair and gives a slight tug, making me ache for her. I don’t let up as I kiss her like a man starved. Starved for years. I only pull away slightly to catch my breath.
“Bells,” I whisper her name across her lips.
She opens her eyes to meet my own. Then, she freezes.
As quickly as the moment comes, it passes. Izabel puts distance between us and covers her lips with her hand, her eyes wide.
“I-I’m sorry,” she says, standing up and walking away from me. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” I repeat, grabbing her hand and halting her movements. She turns around to face me. Tears are brimming in her eyes again as I smooth her hair over her head. “You didn’t do anything. This was all me.”
I’m kicking myself internally.
I was at the crossroads, and I picked the wrong path. Now she’s blaming herself.
She shakes her head. “I can’t do this, Ryan. I’m with Mark. I’m marrying him.”
I pull her into my chest and hug her close, feeling her body shudder against me. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Izabel pushes away from me. “I have to go.”
I hold on to her for as long as I possibly can. I debate not letting her go, but I see the look in her eye and know I need to. I don’t say a word as I release her.
She gives me a parting glance, and then heads toward the door. Before she leaves, she turns around and gives me one last glance. I feel like she wants to say something else to me, but she must think better of it. Without a word, she’s out the door and gone, leaving me alone in my condo.
I stand there looking at the door for a minute, kicking myself for being such an idiot. What good could have possibly come out of that? What, did I think she would just drop everything and come back to me after I verbally attack her?
She’s engaged to be married.
Married.
