Page 43 of Here to Stay
“No, baby, stay with your papi. Paula wants to drive there. You know how she gets about cars.” I laughed at that. My sister’s dream was to go to college in a city with no public transportation. She loved driving.
“Okay, if you think you’re good, I’ll stay. I have no desire to go to the meat market and fight people for the last pernil in the store.”
My mother actually hiked up her jeans at the mention of the last pork shoulder in the store and the potential scuffle. “No te preocupes, Julia. We’ll come home with that pernil.” Like I was worried about my Dominican mother and grandmother losing a fight over the last piece of pork before a major holiday. I was concerned for everyone else in the Dallas area trying to take it from them though.
“I know you will, Mami.”
My dad called out from the bathroom where he was arranging their toiletries. “Don’t get into a fight over there, mi vida. Just get a couple of chickens, we’ll survive. Being together is what matters.”
My mother rolled her eyes and left without answering.
After I went to the guest room to change out of my work clothes, I came back to find my dad in the living room watching ESPN.
“So, tell me the real story with you and Rocco.”
I chuckled in defeat as I sat next to him on the couch. He ran his hand over my thick mass of curls. “I’m glad you got my hair, so at least I can remember what it looked like.”
I laughed at that and gave him another hug. It was good to have my family here, and also so weird for them to be inmyspace. When I lived in New York, I was always going to them. Living in a tiny apartment with a roommate was not exactly the best situation to receive guests, and home had always been their house. But this place felt mine.
“Nothing’s happening. Rocco’s nice. So are all the exiles, to be honest.”
“Are you really thinking of coming home at some point or is that something you’re telling your mom to appease her?”
This was the part of the conversation when my dad transformed into “we’re about to process your shit” social worker mode.
I lifted a shoulder, unsure of how to proceed in the conversation. I didn’t want my dad to think I didn’t want to come home because of any other reason than I felt like I needed to make my own way. “I just don’t want you guys to think I don’t love being close to you.”
He put his arms around me and tugged on one of the curls on top of my head. “Julia del Mar, why would you say that? We know that. But you know whatIlove? Seeing you talk about a job you’re passionate about and building community out here, baby. Our people take chances, we cross oceans to go after what we want. Having to get on a plane and fly across a few states to see you isn’t the end of the world.”
I looked down at my feet, still unable to fully shake the embarrassment I felt when I thought about how I ended up here. “I came here running after Matt, and like an idiot got dumped within weeks. I hate the idea of being stuck in a situation because I let some asshole uproot me from my life while the whole time he was cheating on me.” My father made a very unkind sound at the mention of Matt, which was as pissed off as he ever got. But it did help a little in making me feel less like a loser. “I just want to prove to myself that this wasn’t just about him.”
“But you’re not trapped, mija, you’re in control.” He waved his hand around my apartment. Pointed at the full bookshelves, the art on the walls. “Matt didn’t do any of this, you did. He didn’t get you the job. He didn’t find friends for you.”
“No, but—” I didn’t even know what I was going to argue with him about.
He shook his head and smiled at me. “You’re a fighter like your viejo and your mom. You do what feels good for you, foryourlife. If you’re happy, we’re happy.”
Thatwas what I needed to hear.
The blessing I was hoping for, to let me know this was okay. That I wasn’t just delaying the inevitable or fooling myself in thinking I could make it out here on my own. Which only made the feelings I was slowly developing for Rocco that much more of a bitch.
I wanted to be here and I wanted him too.
Those two things were going in opposite directions, and no matter how supportive my parents were, my chasing after another guy was going to worry them. Worse, it would disappoint them. I would never risk doing that, not after everything they’d done for me.
“Thanks for saying that, Papi,” He squeezed me in another hug and after a moment gestured in the direction of my small kitchen. “The vote of confidence matters. Let’s get something to drink.”
He followed me from the couch and took the bottle of beer I offered him. After taking a long drink, he winked at me before leading the way back to the living room. “You’re fine, nena. I know you’ll figure things out. Now tell me what we’re going to do about your mother and abuela, because their plan is to make a meal that can feed twenty people and I don’t know if I can handle that level of stress tomorrow.”
Chapter Sixteen
Rocco
I was standing at the executive parking lot at Sturm’s after getting back from the program visit and all in my head thinking about Dani’s words from last week.
Could I really leave New York? Take my sister and Blue with me? Leave our parents and all that drama behind? Risk losing the security of a job I had seniority in, a job I was good at?
“Wasn’t that something?” I snapped my head in the direction of Muffy’s voice and saw her and her sister walking over to me. They looked delighted and with good reason.
