Page 84 of Here to Stay
Duke and Phil might get their wish after all.
And like the harbinger to all my fears when I opened my eyes again, I noticed a note on my monitor signed by Phil.
Come see me when you get in!
Fuck.
I tried to get back to my conversation with Julia, and realized she hadn’t said a word and was just sniffling on the other end of the call. “It’s all right, babe. If I hear anything that I can share with you, I’ll let you know. I’m sure it’ll work out. You’re doing very good work and the board knows it.” I was sure neither of us believed that was true.
“Okay, thanks. I’ll see you tonight?”
I sighed internally wondering what shit show was in store for me today. I cringed thinking about the call I was scheduled to have with my boss in the afternoon. I could already hear him telling me my entire future with Davidson’s depended on whether I delivered on this project. I had a few more weeks and I was still not even sure what the fuck I was going to do about Julia, about Sofia. It seemed like everyone I loved was depending on me to do the right thing and I was going to fail them all.
Like I always did.
“Rocco?”
I snapped back to attention at the sound of Julia’s voice. “Yes. Tonight, I’ll come by your place after I finish here. Let me know if anything happens.”
“Okay, I hope Gail is not asking me to meet her so she can tell me I’m out of a job.”
I clicked my tongue at that. “Julia, there’s no way they’ll shut down the program like that. There are too many families depending on your services.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I know I am.”
We stayed on the phone and with each second I felt like there was something important that she wasn’t saying. And just when I was about to ask if there was something else she needed to say, she blurted it out. “I love you, Rocco.”
It was like a punch to the gut. She said those words like they were the truest thing in the world. Like she trusted I would take care of what she was offering me. Like I could hold something so precious.
I was a fucking coward. I didn’t deserve her love or her trust, when I knew in my gut that when the time came, when it was up to me to speak up for her program, I would save my own ass.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
She inhaled sharply, like the blow of my words had winded her.
I ended the call, hating myself, and because I couldn’t catch a fucking break, just as I was about to start mentally preparing to go and talk to Phil, I heard a knock on my office door.
“Hey, did you see my note?” It was impressive how Phil could speak in a completely cordial tone and still sound menacing. I looked up and noticed his usual sneer was actually a real smile today, and that more than anything really scared me.
I stood up to shake his hand, but he waved me off. He quietly shut my office door before sitting on one of the chairs facing my desk. His legs widespread. He was one of those guys who needed to put his junk right in your range of vision.
“I did see your note. I was just about to walk to your office. What’s up?”
The shark smile he flashed me with when I asked sent a frisson of dread down my spine.
He sat up straight, rubbing his palms together. “It looks like we may finally have something to turn the board off of this insane charity scheme.”
“Oh,” I said, as I squeezed and flexed my fingers under my desk, trying to shake some of the tension I was feeling.
“I heard from Vicki today, the ‘clinical director.’” He made the air quotes as if the title and the job were some bogus shit. “Apparently she got one of the illegals arrested by accident.” He guffawed at this, his head thrown back, while I tried to focus on my breathing, so I didn’t lunge at him. I paid attention to the tightness in my back and shoulders and made myself relax, because I was really fucking close to losing my cool.
“I’m sorry, I’m not sure I follow.”
He grinned again, and I knew he was aware I found none of this even slightly amusing. Something about the way he was looking at me made me wonder if he knew about Julia and me.
“Well, Vicki had one of the families over to her house for Christmas for some fucking reason, and it sounds like they stole some jewelry and she called the police on them. Gail sent an email to HR this morning, and they called me to let me know.”
