Page 90 of Here to Stay
As the room filled, I worked on setting up my slides and started to feel the sweat pooling under my arms. I was nervous. I was fucking terrified.
After a moment I heard the door of the room close and saw the twins stand up from their joint seats at the head of the table. There were multiple flat-screens along the walls of the room, three of them showing the faces of board members who could not be here in person.
Sitting to the right of the twins was their mother, Consuelo, and to their left was Duke. The iciness in his expression as he looked up at his older sisters made my stomach clench. He really hated them.
Mitzy began, “Thanks for your flexibility to do the meeting at an earlier time and on New Year’s Eve Eve.” Her face hardened then, and I could tell she was trying not to look in Duke’s direction. “However, due to a concerning incident that occurred in one of the programs...” Duke scoffed at the word “incident.” Asshole. “...we’ve been hearing that some of you want to make an early decision about where we’re going. You all know where Muffy and I stand on this.”
She smiled in my direction. “We also trust that Mr. Quinn will give a thorough report on what an IPO would mean for us, if we decide that’s what we want for the future of Sturm’s.” I knew there was a lot more at stake than that. That Mitzy and Muffy would mostly likely step down as joint CEOs if Duke won, and he would be at the head of Sturm’s. Those two women were fighting for the soul of their company today.
“It’s your floor.” She waved a hand in my direction and I stood up, facing the room, feeling like I was about to throw up.
I brought up the first slide and was about to launch into my profits projections, then stopped. Usually I could get myself in a good headspace by giving my back to the room for a second and taking a couple of deep breaths. But every conversation I’d had over the last twenty-four hours was running in a loop in my head. Julia’s hurt accusation that I was trying to martyr myself. Sofia’s offer to support me, her plea to think about my own happiness. The twins’ calm trust in my doing the right thing. My head pounded and my chest tightened with every breath.
“Good morning, everyone. I’m Rocco Quinn, the lead analyst from Davidson and Partners. I was hired to come to Sturm’s and gather information to figure out how beneficial it would be for the company to go public. It’s a pretty straightforward job and one that I’m pretty good at.” I got some laughs and that gave me the last push I needed.
“This project has been probably the hardest and the best one I’ve been on to date. Sturm’s is an exceptional business, with a mission and values I wished were the standard for the corporate world.” I looked over at Muffy and her eyes were shining, and I kept going before I lost my nerve.
“Before I begin my report, I just want to say that there is more to Sturm’s than a profit margin. This company is a success because from the day Henry Sturm opened the store, he had a purpose much greater than making money. He wanted to ‘help those in need and be a beacon on civility and justice.’ I was astonished to find out that Sturm’s was the only store in Texas who refused to deny service to people of color and was the first to have a black female general manager—in 1962. Henry Sturm and his son supported civil rights activists, and fiercely advocated for the 1965 immigration act to pass. The Sturm Foundation is the heart and soul of this company, and that is something worth saving.” That jab was for Phil, and I looked that fucker right in the eyes when I said it.
I glanced over to Duke and he was glaring at me, his face blotched with anger, but I didn’t care. For the first time in twenty-four hours, I felt like I could breathe. “Sturm’s made a brand out of clothing those at the highest end of society, while serving the most vulnerable in the communities they do business in. Making Sturm’s leaner and cutting costs to attract investors will work for a successful IPO.” I lifted a hand to a bar graph on the screen. “It may even get you bought out by one of the luxury conglomerates, but it will irrevocably impact your brand and that also has a cost.”
Phil was so red I was starting to worry about him stroking out sitting on that chair. But I would finish what I had to say. “I ask that in addition to the numbers I’m about to report, you consider that this company has always been about a lot more than a bottom line.”
The faces around the room showed a range of emotions, but Mitzy, Muffy, and Consuelo were raptly looking at me, their backs straight. Proud.
“Thank you for indulging my need to regale you with information that you probably knew already. Now I’ll get to my report.”
I fired up the presentation, doing all I could to avoid looking at Phil or Duke. I’d said my piece and now I had to do my job.
I walked out of the boardroom and went to my office knowing I’d probably talked myself out of a job. They would vote on whether the IPO would move forward or not, but regardless of the decision, I doubted that Duke and Phil would want me around after what I’d said. In the end I just didn’t know if it would be enough to save Julia’s job, and I’d almost certainly fucked up my own future at the firm.
But I didn’t hate myself—well, at least not for this. The most important person in my life still thought I didn’t care about her.
Thinking about Julia, my chest felt heavy. I didn’t want to go there, to think about her and how much I missed her. I couldn’t. She was free of me, and all the shit I came with.
I sat at my desk and picked up my phone. There was a voicemail from Sofia and a few from the Exiles, probably to curse me out for what I did to Julia.
I tapped on the screen to call my sister.
“Hey, don’t worry. I didn’t sell my soul to the devil.”
She laughed humorlessly, but sounded relieved. “Good. We can figure this out, Rocco. Now we just need to think about how to get Julia to forgive your ass for doing the most.”
I cracked a smile, but I still felt hollow. The thought of Julia hating me made me sick to my stomach.
I tried to find a way to change the subject. “Don’t worry about CPS. I’m sure at this point it’s more a formality. They had to see how good you are with her.”
Sofia sighed, clearly not fully convinced. “Let’s hope so. This apartment is so small. I didn’t want to be at yours when they came, because that’s not our place. And, well, this one is really little.”
I scoffed at that. “They know the rent prices in the city. They won’t bother you over that.” Sofia lived in a biggish one-bedroom in Rego Park that she’d converted into a two-bedroom with a lot of creativity. “Blue has a nice home where she gets lots of love and never feels scared. That’s all a little kid can ask for, and no one taught you that, Sofia, you had to learn that on your own.”
“No, I learned it from you, Rocco.”
It was like a stab in the gut, and immediately I wanted to reject her words. To tell her that I hadn’t done anything. That I hadn’t been there for her. But I had to start listening to the people in my life who wanted me to let them in. If my sister said I’d shown her love, why couldn’t I hear that?
The next part felt like taking a leap from a building, but I said it. “Thanks for saying that, sis.” I closed my eyes, wishing I had the guts to do this with Julia, but I didn’t know if she’d ever want to see me again. “I have to go. I need to tie up some loose ends here.” Like probably getting fired.
“Okay, but think about calling her, okay?”
