Page 71 of Cowboy Stole My Heart
Fuck!
Sam slammed his fist into the side of his vehicle, wincing in pain as his knuckles ricocheted off metal. But itdidn’t dampen his fury, didn’t dent the pain and anger erupting inside of him like a tornado of emotion.
Goddamn her!
He hauled his door open, stepping back and hearing a yelp erupt from behind him.Shit! He bent to touch Blue, pissed that the dog was cowering like he was about to hit him, too. He’d never purposely hurt an animal in his life, and angry or not, he wasn’t about to start now.
“Sorry,” he muttered, apologizing and hating that even his own animal was scared of him. He’d almost forgotten Blue was with him, would have probably roared off down the drive without him if he hadn’t stepped on him by mistake. Sam pointed for him to get in, seeing the way his dog got in the back and curled into a tight ball, clearly not wanting to ride shotgun with his master in this kind of mood.
Even my goddamn dog thinks I’m an asshole.
Sam shut the door and drove, forcing himself to go slow even though he wanted to rev the hell out of the engine. It was late, there were no lights on in the main house as he glanced in the rearview mirror, and he wasn’t about to cause a scene.
He gripped the steering wheel tightly, anger rippling through him, twisting and torturing him as he fought the urge to lash out again. In front of Mia he’d put on a façade as strong as steel; in reality, he wanted to bellow from the pain he’d inflicted on her, from the agony he’d seen reflected in her gaze.
He knew because he’d felt it before. He’d been the one facing a cruel, heartless partner; he’d been the one in love and with his heart ripped to shreds. And now he’d done it to Mia, and worst of all he’d made it sound like he’dnever, ever cared about her in the first place, which was a blatant lie.
“Uggggh!” he bellowed, sounding like a monster even to his own ears. He pushed down on the accelerator, driving too fast now but not giving a damn.
If he didn’t care about Mia, if he truly didn’t feel strongly about her, then why the hell did it feel like someone had a hand clutching his heart, cruelly twisting it, hurting him, inflicting pain on him? But he didn’t, he couldn’t. He’d kept part of himself back, he’d refused to get too close to her, it had just been about the sex. Hadn’t it?Who the hell was he kidding?
He should have pulled over, knew it was the logical thing to do instead of driving like a maniac, but he kept on driving through the night to get home. He needed to be in his own place. He needed to hide away from the world and figure his shit out.
Kelly’s face flashed before him, her innocent shrug hitting him like a fist to the gut as he saw the scene that haunted him playing through his mind again. When he’d found his ex in bed with another guy, in his home, in his own goddamn bed, she’d shrugged and smiled, not even concerned about being caught out. He’d noticed her engagement ring first, glinting on her finger as she demurely reached for the sheet to cover herself, her smile fake. He’d been fooled be her, had loved her and treated her with the utmost respect, and she’d been sleeping around on him the entire time.
“Come on, Sam. What did you expect, leaving me here all day alone? I thought you were traveling for a few more days.”
He’d seen red then, had yelled and hurled himself at thenaked guy grabbing for his jeans, and slammed his fist into him, connecting with his jaw. The adrenalin had hit then, the pain ripping through him as he’d fought the poor bastard who’d been unlucky enough to be caught. And then he’d turned on Kelly, snarling at her, scaring her. She’d called the police when Sam had rammed his fist through the wall, claimed he’d threatened her, tried to pretend like she was the innocent victim.
He’d yelled at her,sure. He’d demanded to know what the bloody hell she thought she was doing,definitely. He’d stood there with his fists balled and his body on the verge of exploding, listening to her bullshit words once her lover had disappeared, too, but he’d never, ever laid a hand on her.
The one thing he had done was storm over to her and snake his fingers around her wrist, holding her in place as he’d tugged the diamond from her finger as she screamed. There was no goddamn way he was going to let her keep the ring he’d bought for her, promising to love her and care for her, pinning his heart to his sleeve.
The one woman he’d ever fallen for, the one woman he’d promised to love, had crushed him.
He saw Mia’s face in his mind, wanted to shut his eyes to push her away, but he kept them trained on the road ahead, forced them to stay open. Mia hadn’t deserved to get hurt, he never should have gone near her in the first place, but he’d made it so clear, hadn’t he?
Mia was everything Kelly wasn’t. She was open and honest, kind and loving. She was the woman he should have trusted. But he couldn’t. No matter how much he tried to tell himself otherwise, he couldn’t ever open himself up to pain like that again.
I love you.
Her words cut deep. He should have held her, shouldhave kissed her and let her down softly. He should have explained to her what had happened in his past, but there was only one person he’d ever confessed the whole truth to, and that was Nate.
Instead of dragging it out through court, Nate had told him to settle. His career had been taking off in a big way, and Kelly had claimed assault, had gone for half of everything he owned, and claimed emotional distress. Sam had sat across from her, first clenched beneath the table so damn tight he’d almost pulled a muscle, and under duress eventually agreed on paying her out just to move on and keep her quiet.
It had broken him and torn apart something inside of him at the same time. And it had ripped away his ability to love, to trust anyone other than himself and his family, and with it any chance of ever being the man he’d been before he’d caught Kelly cheating on him.
Sam eventually pulled into his driveway, cut the engine and sat in the dark outside his house. Silence engulfed him. The moon was covered with cloud, the darkness absolute, and it wasn’t until Blue nudged his arm, his cold, wet nose forcing him to surrender from his own silence that he got out of the vehicle.
“Hey,” he muttered, hand kneading through his dog’s fur. “You’re all I’ve got, buddy. It’s just you and me now.”
He needed to keep a lid on his anger. He needed to do something to contain it rather than explode, couldn’t afford to go back to the place full of hurt and darkness that he’d lived in when he’d returned from active duty. After Kelly, he’d been swept up into the bitterness and hurt that spiraled from a nasty separation, but he’d found his own way back, hadn’t become as far gone as when he’d come home from serving. He hadn’t been the same man, he’demerged with wounds so deep that he knew they’d be buried within him forever, but he’d done it and he’d just vowed never to let it happen to him again.
“Come on,” he said to Blue, touching his leg when he stepped out of the car for the dog to follow him. “Let’s go.”
Sam used the torch on his phone to light the way to his stable block, knowing that his ranch hand would have stabled his best horses for the evening hours earlier. He’d let Mia think he needed to get home each night to feed his own horses, but it had been a façade. He’d always had a ranch hand and he’d never had to get home, he’d just been too terrified of getting too close, of either of them getting hurt.
He’d left because staying over was for boyfriends. For fiancées. For husbands.
