Page 46 of My Turn Petal
He takes a glass from the cabinet above the sink, fills it with water, and hands it to me, “Drink this.”
I hear the sound of the fridge opening, next thing, Theo plants himself between my legs while he peels a kiwi in his hand, chopping it into small bites and holding it closer to my lips.
“Eat it, Frankie.”
I part my lips and he inserts it in my mouth, the sour and sweet taste blends on my tongue—it stings a bit but I continue to eat it.
“Thank you.” I chew slowly and gulp it down my throat.
He puts the rest in my palm and throws the peelings into the trash beside us. Washing his hands, he puts another bowl of water next to me and rubs some on my face gently.
“Are you okay?” his eyes bore into mine, “You scared me.”
“Yes, I’m good.” I offer him a smile. “Sorry.” I take deep breaths, balancing myself. The nausea still strums on my gag reflex but I manage to shove it back down.
“Don’t be sorry,” he looks down for a minute and picks his gaze up, “I took it too far.” He cups my cheeks, “It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”
“It happens, Theo. It happened to me when I was alone and no one could help me. Step by step, I took a breath, calmed myself down, and gained my composure.” I explain calmly.
I have tried and failed numerous times but that one time I was able to feel what it was like to be penetrated, was worth it. For once in my life I felt normal. A few minutes later, the panic rose and again I failed because I let my panic win once more, even when I accomplished the biggest breakthrough I’ve had in years.
Everything is so frustrating.
This frustration permeates everywhere and I can’t have one moment of peace.
“Petal.”
I look down at the shaking glass in my hands.
“Hey, it’s okay.”
“It’s not. I can’t have a one-night stand. I can’t have sex with someone just because I want to. I can’t feel a man deep inside me. I’m broken. My pussy doesn’t work. Maybe I was born without the ability to have sex.” I answer in anger, but mostly with pain.
“You don’t believe that.” He replies.
I look him in the eye, “I don’t know what I believe anymore.”
Even thinking about it makes me nauseous.
He takes the glass from my hand and places it on the counter next to us. “Your clit would feel so fucking delicious against my lips right now?”
“Theo…”
He breathes in my ear, and says, “You know you want me to taste you.”
Subtly, I shake my head sideways, “I can’t…”
“Shhh.” Tucking a section of hair behind my ear, “There’s nothing wrong with you,” he brushes his lips against mine.
Our eyes close and flick back open when the connection ceases.
“Theo…” I exhale his name in a tiny moan.
“It’s okay we’ll try again some other day.” He opens my thighs wide like a book he’s going to write, I’m the pages he shapes and fills with unspoken words.
My taut nipples ache for the bruising feel of his fingers.
It’s like he can read my mind, his chin tilts down and with one glance my nipples get the exact treatment I crave.
