Page 60 of Mark Us Little Bear
“Mmm, so close,” is whispered into my ear and I groan when Bradley brings his hands to his mouth. “Yummy.”
“You’re evil,” I whisper back, reaching for the popcorn bowl, grabbing a handful, and shoving it inside my mouth.
“You’re soaking wet.” Ronnie retorts. “We’ll make sure you stay that way but you can always sue us.”
Gaping, I can’t believe he just used that word.
“Unless you want my cock in there you better close that pretty mouth,” he winks before he turns his head to the screen.
By the end of this week, I’ll need a week off from this week off.
As the movie almost ends, Ronnie puts his head on my thighs and I run my fingers through his soft hair, playing with his sun-kissed highlights in a way that soothes us both.
“Die Hardis next,“ Josh announces, giving Teddy a cookie while he brushes his fur. He is on cloud nine today, they both are, and I think they will have a hard time saying goodbye to each other at the end of this week.
I really like his family. They are warm, loud, and aggressive when it comes to sports—I smile to myself, amused as today’s football game plays in my head. I expected them to be a lovingfamily that makes you feel welcome when you first walk through their door, and that is exactly what they are.
“Can I pick a movie for tomorrow’s movie night?” I ask.
“Of course,” Bradley shoots an enthusiastic reply with a soft nibble on my earlobe. “We don’t have to return to your house if you don’t want to bump into your mother, your dad and sister can come here whenever they want.”
Rage climbs up my body at the mention of my mother. Why did he have to bring her up after touching me?
I signal Ronnie to move away before I push to stand and storm into the house. Footsteps fall behind me and right as my shoe hits the first step a hand stops me. “Bear.”
I spin faster than I spew the word, “What?” and my eyes shoot daggers at him. “Why did you have to bring her up? She is fucking everywhere and no matter how hard I try to run away from her she reappears and takes what little energy I have left.” Before his hand can touch my face, my palm catches his wrist, holding him between us.
The regret in his eyes is potent and Ronnie’s soft, understanding eyes land on me as he steps near him.
“I didn’t mean it like that I just wanted you to know, I see you. That I know she is affecting you.” He rubs his parallel helix piercings—I noticed he does it when he’s nervous or is deep in thought.
“She wasn’t here today, even though she came into mind once or twice, I still managed to enjoy you two and your family.”
“Maybe if you talked about it more we could help each other.”
“I didn’t ask you to be my shrink, Bradley. I don’t remind you that you can’t sleep when he’s not at home.”
“Or you.” He adds. “Because I don’t want to lose someone I care about again. I know it’s inevitable. I know I can’t control it but—“ his teeth sink into his bottom lip hard, almost bruising, “It still makes me anxious.”
“I’ve lost my mom time and time again, my whole life. You’re lucky you have beautiful memories to look at because mine haunts me no matter how far I run from them.” A burst of emotions threatens to flood me. I look away, trying to blink back tears but it’s too late.
I don’t mean to eavesdrop but I need Mom and Dad to sign some school papers for a trip we have coming up soon. Mom keeps yelling, accusing Dad of something. “I almost got an abortion with Amber. We were too young and I know how much you wanted her but I… I didn’t know what I wanted maybe… she was a mistake.”
“How could you say that we have a perfect little girl? A healthy girl who we love so much.”
“I can’t look at her without seeing…”
“Melanie,” Dad addresses her name sternly, “I absorb everything you throw at me. I’ll continue to do that because I know how much you struggle but hurting our daughter the way you do is not something I will let slide. If you can’t control your emotions around her and be her mother go for a walk, read a book, whatever, but don’t say things like this that will tear her precious soul apart. She’s ten and she needs you. I need you.”
I was almost nonexistent.
“Almost is such a funny word. I suppose it should make us feel better but it’s not. She said many things when I was a kid that made me feel like nothing. I don’t know if they were true or not but it left me with scars that never fully healed because I still feel like I’ve achieved nothing.”
She tried after that conversation. About a year later Kat was born and mom ignored me all over again.
Why does everything lead back to her?
“She broke your heart. It’s okay to admit it to yourself. Just because you allowed yourself to feel and be vulnerable doesn’tmean you made a mistake.” Bradley urges us to look at him by planting his fingers under our chins. “Healing is not the worst thing that can happen to you.” His eyes slide between us.
