Page 83 of Mark Us Little Bear
Mom
You waste your time, money, and life on nothing but empty things. I thought you’d find your way by now, I know you always searched for yourself but you’re not a kid anymore you’re a grown adult, running around with two men who will give you nothing but a headache. Last night was humiliating, seeing you huddling with them in front of everyone. In front of your dad. You give a bad example for your sister.
I double-check the screen because I think I’m hallucinating but no… the same words are still there, scraping my smile off. If she thinks she has a right to tell me how to live my life she is surely mistaken, even if she was a good parent she doesn’t get to dictate who I choose to be with and she sure as fuck doesn’t after being the shittiest parent to me all these years.
I want to scream as rage condemns every cell of my body but I fly downstairs instead, hearing the lock of the front door clicking.
Mom glares at me as we face each other in the living room, her brows hike up to where her bangs rest. “Don’t let pretty men cloud your judgment, Amber.”
The crude remark is on the tip of my tongue, but I suppress it and instead, I sling my honesty at her. “When was the last time you hugged me? Kissed me goodbye or called to say hello? When did you share a memory with me or tell me you loved me? Because I can’t find it and I bet neither can you.” I stare at her with a blank expression.
A beat passes.
Her legs stay planted to the floor and her features fall into deep enlightenment.
That’s what we always do—we fight over everything and I don’t want to fight her.
“I missed you, Mom. I’m still looking for you to show up for me. It’s hard to miss someone you don’t know though. Yet you do it every day but not with me. You know nothing about me and I’m not trying to be mean but it’s the truth. I never had my firsts with you after I was five. I did things on my own and Dad helped when he could but I had to raise myself most of the time because Dad had to take care of you and Kat.” I wipe the steep trail of tears off my cheeks before my voice cracks—I knew they would come. “But I’m tired of waiting for you to realize that I just need you to love me for once.”
This is it. It’s all coming out.
“I lost her too, you know and you never once thought how it affected me.”
She gasps, covering her mouth but I hold her gaze—she needs to see the pain in me to realize she caused that damage in the first place.
All I wanted was for her to hold me closer so we could mourn together.
“I’m sorry to be such an inconvenient part of your life. But don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair soon.” The rampant change in my body temperature gives me a headache so I barge out the front door. My heart breaks for the hundredth time because of her, but Tiffany’s words ring in my ears—“the beautiful thing about heartbreak is that your heart still works afterward, and you will love again with each one.”
The sound of his familiar boots resounds against the floor behind me and stops when I halt in the driveway.
“Don’t come after me,” I demand. My voice is low. Eyes clenched shot for a second.
“Then come after me.” He intertwines our fingers and leads me toward a small park nearby.
The black waves atop his head sway with each movement.
I hear the distinct footsteps of another pair of shoes, but I don’t bother to look behind us when I slump against the first bench I stumble upon.
Ronnie
Her bottom lip quivers before tears burst along with a heart-wrenching sob. Her body crushes against mine, face planted in my chest as I sit next to her.“I never wanted anything other than someone to talk to and hold when everything falls apart.”She wrote it in our project and shattered my heart into tiny particles. I reach around to cuddle her, inhaling her musky scent into my lungs.
For ten minutes straight she cries and it hurts my soul.
Bradley rubs her back in soothing patterns, lifting a bottle of water he must’ve taken before they went out and signaling me to tell her.
“Amber, Bradley has water for you.” I kiss her forehead. “You need to drink some.”
Sniffling, her body trembles but her crying slows down.
“You told me I could tell you when I’m ready.” She takes a few sips but refuses to detach from me.
I stay silent only nodding to confirm when she peers up at me.
“Purple is my favorite color.” She pauses to gasp uncontrollably. “When I was five I wanted everything in purple—my dress, room, hair. It made me peaceful and I wanted my sister to love it too. They set me down near the hospital bed and put her in my arms for the first time. She was tiny and calm. Then Dad glanced at Mom and saidchoose her name anything you want.”
I’m barely breathing. My glossy eyes meet Bradley as he tucks himself around us, letting Amber know he’s here for her too.
