Page 86 of Mark Us Little Bear
I gaze at the deliciousness under my nose—I don’t know which one I want to eat first.
“Just eat them together—one bite at a time.” Dad can see the dilemma in my concentrated expression and laughs.
Yeah, that’s what I should do.
“Your mom told me what happened two days ago when I was at work.”
The spoon stops halfway toward my mouth and I clear my voice. “Yeah?” I knew this conversation would probably lead to her. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Then listen to what I have to say.” I trace the urgency in his voice. There is something he wants to say to me even if I don’t want to hear it.
“I’m proud of you for standing up to yourself. You always did that without anyone’s help.”
I glance at him. It’s not what I thought he would say but the scintillating pride in his eyes makes my chest tight.
“For years, I tried to calm the raging tides between you two. I know how hard she is with you and I always wonder if I’ve done enough to protect you.”
“You did, Dad. It wasn’t about you. It was her demons and me just being a constant reminder for the baby you’ve lost.” I stare at the glowing moon, slowly peeling the layers of it inside my head, and shove the spoon inside my mouth—the fluffy cheesecake explodes on my tongue and calms my tight muscles.
“But it wasn’t your fault, I need you to know that.”
“I know.” I eat the potato pie next. “I don’t regret naming her, and I don’t blame you for giving me a chance to when Violet was born. I miss her like you and Mom. Mom abandoned me a long time ago and I need to move on for my peace of mind. We will never be like you and me but I hope she will be better for Kat.”
“She’s trying.” His fingers run through his beard. “Book club meetings, yoga classes, support groups.”
“That’s good,” I whisper.
Dad grabs my hand. “No matter what, you always have me you know that? First call and I’ll be there, I’ll never abandon you.”
I nod my chin up and down, smiling at him. “I know Dad.”
“She’s not a bad person.” His voice trembles a bit.
“She just had a difficult life?” I subtly raise my brows.
“It’s not an excuse when it comes to you girls. She needed to put it aside and be there for you but we can’t truly understand what she’d been through.”
No, we can’t.
I don’t know much about her past and never had the chance to ask. But I know it wouldn’t have made a difference.
We are our own islands, sharing the same water and knowing we could never step on each other’s land.
My chest feels heavy and I feel like I just sucker-punched myself with that thought.
“Maybe it was for the best. I got to spend more time with you.” I suggest.
You were my island.
“And I will always cherish that.” He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles before his fingers clasp around the second spoon. “I’ve never seen you this happy, not since you were a little girl, and I like them. A lot.”
“I feel like I can finally breathe with them after holding my breath for so long.” A little chuckle escapes me when my words sink in.
“They put a smile on your face. They make you happy. They treat you well. That is all that matters to me.”
“I like them.” I pause and sneak a glimpse at him. “A lot.”
He nods out of the corner of my eye, contemplating. “I don’t know how it works and how it goes, but I can tell they care for you. Deeply. So open your heart and see where it takes you.”
