Page 40 of Letters From a Broken Heart
“Stop it. He loved you and you can see it in these journal entries.” Taylor places her hand on my chest and stares into my eyes. “I never knew he wrote in a journal.”
“We both did. My mom made us do it because we had horrible handwriting.”
“Where’s yours?” She smiles through her watery eyes.
I lean to the side and tug open the top drawer of my nightstand. I take out five dark blue journals and hand them over to her. There’s nothing in there I'm ashamed of. It’s all my thoughts and feelings from the last decade. Each journal is labeled on the front with the dates of the entries and each entry has the date it was written.
“You have so many,” Taylor whispers as she runs her fingers over the covers.
“I took it more seriously than Jack. I wrote in there a few times a week.”
“That explains why your handwriting is so much better.” She grins, teasing me. “This one doesn’t have an end date.” She holds up one of them.
“That’s because I'm still writing in it.”
“You still write in this?” Her eyes widen and when I nod my head, she slowly opens the cover. She keeps her eyes on me, giving me the chance to stop her.
“You’re welcome to read all of my innermost thoughts, baby. They’re mostly about you anyway.” I tuck my hand behind my head and don’t miss how her gaze strays to my bare chest. She lingers for a second before turning her attention back to the journal.
I might as well get comfortable. I have a feeling we’re going to be here for a while.
Chapter 16
Taylor
I take a deep breath and try to prepare myself. I don’t know why I'm so nervous to read these. Easton’s been very straightforward and I know exactly how he feels, yet somehow this feels more intimate. This is him explaining his feelings and reactions where he knew no one would ever see it. These are his raw feelings from when it happened and he didn’t have years to come to terms with things.
This is going to hurt.
Taylor,
Why? Why did you have to agree to dating him? He’ll never love you the way I do. He’s too self-absorbed to care about anyone as much as he caresabout himself.
He might love you and he might care about you, but it’s different.
Every time I look at you, I see the bright and happy future we could have together. I imagine coming home after a long day at work and tugging you into my arms. We have at least one or two dogs chasing our toddlers around the backyard. Their squeals of laughter fill the air and bring a smile to our face as we talk about our day with each other.
He doesn’t imagine a future with you. He’s too consumed with the present. He doesn’t even think about what he’ll be doing this weekend, let alone in ten years.
You could do better, beautiful. I'm not saying you’ll only be happy with me, but out of all the men in the world, why’d it have to be him?
-E
Blowing out a shaky breath, I attempt to keep myself composed. It’s so hard to read this. To know I was feeling the same way about Easton. If Jack hadn’t searched me out, my entire life would be different right now.
“Stop it, baby,” Easton murmurs from next to me.
He still has his hands tucked behind his head and his eyes are now closed. I don’t think he wants to see my reaction to his journal entries. He knows what’s in them and it’s probably embarrassing to watch me read them.
“You want me to stop reading?” I squeak out.
“No, I want you to stop beating yourself up over what happened in the past. We can't change it, but we can move on.”
“How did you know I was beating myself up?” I watch him carefully. I love how the corner of his lips twitch before lifting into a lopsided grin. He slowly opens his eyes and they’re latched onto mine right away.
“Because I know you. I know everything there is to know. I can tell when you’re lying. I can tell when you’re hiding something and I can definitely tell when you’re feeling guilty or regretting something.”
“I love you.”
