Page 148 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
The baby was a curveball, there’s no denying that, but I have no doubts that we’re going to have a beautiful life.
CHAPTER 58
HARLOW
It’s incredible how quickly the brain can process things in times of panic. In a span of just a few seconds I take in Jameson on his knees, pouring his heart out asking me to be his wife. My parents who are both smiling with pride and happiness. Monroe and her open-mouthed gasp. Jasper wearing a small smile with his arm draped over my sister. And finally, Willa, who looks excited for me but has worry in her eyes like she’s not sure how I’m going to react.
It's a shock, to the say the least, we’ve talked about getting married one day but in my mind an engagement wasn’t even close to happening, so to say I’m surprised is an understatement. I wasn’t expecting this at all. Especially not after confessing to him about kissing Spencer.
My breath leaves me in a shaky exhale.
“Yes,” I answer, because I can’t just leave him hanging and saying no feels cruel. But maybe yes is worse, especially when my brain keeps screaming,Spencer! What about Spencer?
With a beaming smile he slips the ring on my finger and stands. He pulls me up with him and into a hug, wrapping his arms fully around me as he spins me in a circle. When he puts me down, he cups my face between his hands.
He looks so fucking happy that yes must be the right answer. It means he has to be the right choice.
“I can’t wait to call you my wife,” he murmurs before his lips descend on mine.
I feel like I’m out of my body as we settle at the table. My parents tell me about Jameson calling them up and explaining his plan to get us all here, because he knew I’d want my family.
“This is why I said I was working late a few days this week,” he explains to me, draping his arm over the back of my chair. “I was finalizing everything for this.”
I want to simultaneously crawl under the table, puke, and throw myself off the pier into the tumultuous ocean abyss below us.
While he was planning our engagement, I was fucking my ex.
How messed up is that?
Willa eyes me from across the table. She knows something’s up with me, but she also knows better than to ask here and now. She might even suspect I’ve done something even worse than kissing Spencer.
“Do I get to be the flower girl?” Monroe asks. Before anyone can answer, she adds, “Can I toss confetti or glitter instead? That seems more fun.”
My mom quickly launches into explaining why glitter would be a bad idea.
“Do you like the ring?” Jameson asks. Finding my hand beneath the table, he rubs at the band around my finger.
“It’s beautiful.”
And it is. It’s shiny and big and everything a girl should want.
But it’s not me.
It’s not even overly flashy, but it’s just … too new. I would’ve preferred something that was either a true antique or inspired by a more vintage design. But whenever we did talk about marriageone day, we never got into the specifics of what type of ring I’d like, so it’s not like I can blame him for not knowing.
“Good.” He beams with pride. “I’m glad you like it.”
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t wait for the dinner to be over. And to take off these shoes and get out of this dress. This dress—this dress Spencer bought me, and I’ve been proposed to by another man in it. I want to rip it off. Shred it to pieces. Burn it. I don’t care, but I never want to see it again.
As dinner wraps up, I still haven’t come up from whatever fog I’m in. I wish I could say it’s a blissed out, and thrilled to be in love fog, but it’s not.
My parents head off with Monroe and Jasper and Willa hang back, though they’ll be riding back with them so that Jameson and I can have alone time.
Willa yanks me into a hug, and her mouth finds my ear in a frantic whisper, “Something’s wrong with you and I know we can’t talk about it now, but tomorrow, okay?” She pulls back and waits for me to nod.
The last thing I want to do is admit to my sister about sleeping with Spencer. I’m already judging myself. I don’t need her to do it too, but she’s too perceptive.
I nod in acceptance, though I’m already plotting ways to avoid her.
