Page 172 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
It was kind of her to say those things.Tookind. I don’t deserve that, not from her.
The door opens behind me, and I whip around.
“Hey,” Spencer says, concern draped over his features. “Are you okay? I saw my mom talk to you. She didn’t say anything to upset you, did she?”
“No.” I wipe at my cheeks as he enters the room and closes the door again. “She was nice. Promise.”
He cocks his head to the side. “Why is it you have trouble with kindness? Why do you think you don’t deserve it?”
Of course, he sees my thoughts and feelings written plainly on my face. He’s always seen too much of me.
“I don’t know,” I answer with a watery laugh. “I truly don’t know.”
He slides his hands into the pockets of his board shorts. His sheer, white beach top stretches over his wide shoulders. “Please, don’t take offense to what I’m about to say, but I’d really like you to talk to someone. A therapist. You can see mine if you want.” He shrugs. “He’s pretty good.”
My brows furrow. “You have a therapist?”
“Yeah.” He leans his back against the door. “It turns out having the love of your life break your heart over and over does some damage.” He gives me a closed-mouth smile. “I don’t say that to try to make you feel guilty, but I just needed some help coping with our breakup, and being a single dad, and the work I do. Turns out I like therapy, so I still talk to him once a month.”
I’ve always been opposed to the idea of a therapist, but because I’m not coping well—really, I’m not coping at all—it might be worth trying.
“I’d be willing to see him,” I say softly. “If you’re okay with that.”
“I’ll schedule the appointment for you, but Harlow?”
“Yeah?” I ask hesitantly.
“I want you to go a minimum of five times. Every other week. Not for me, not for anything or anyone else, but you. You need someone to talk to.”
“I think I can do that,” I agree.
“Good.” He reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. “Now let’s get out of here before everyone thinks we snuck away to fuck.”
“Spencer!”
He grins. “I knew that would get you to smile.” He wraps an arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple.
Fireworks light up the sky and Roe runs around with a sparkler in each hand. I laugh as I watch her. Her joy is infectious. No matter how bad things get, or how much I fuck things up, Monroe will always be the best part of my life. Getting pregnant as a teen wasn’t part of the plan, but truthfully, I’d choose it every time because there’s not a single life I want to live where I’m not that girl’s mom.
I feel Spencer before I see him.
He sinks down into the sand beside me. He spent most of his day out on his board with Liam, Ollie, and Jasper. It was nice to have the reprieve from his presence, because when he’s near I seem to have trouble thinking.
“So, Willa and Jasper are getting married next month?”
“Yeah,” I reply, searching for them on the beach and spotting them by the bonfire. Monroe runs up to them and asks for another sparkler. “It surprised me. I expected a big wedding for some reason.”
“I kind of did, too.” He grows quiet. “Jasper asked me to be his best man.”
“You sound sad about it.”
He shrugs, drawing his legs up and draping his arms over his knees. “It should’ve been T.J. beside him. I know it’s been almost ten years, but I still miss him.”
“He was your best friend.” I rest my hand on his shoulder, rubbing my thumb in gentle comfort. “You’ll always miss him.”
“I guess so,” he sighs. “I really am happy for Willa and Jasper, though, but I…”
He shakes his head and presses his lips into a thin line.
