Page 179 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
“For how long?”
It’s not the first time he’s left the country for a role, but he’s never saidmonthsbefore.
He wets his lips with his tongue and a muscle in his jaw twitches. “Four months.”
“Four months?” I blurt out.
He rubs his jaw. “I know. It’s not ideal.”
“You’ve never been gone that long from Monroe before.”
“Don’t you think I fucking know that?” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just … I worry about being away from her that long. It’s not forever, but it feels like it.”
“You’d miss her birthday,” I say softly.
He shakes his head, steadfast. “Absolutely not. I’ll make sure I fly back for that even if I have to turn right around and leave the same day.”
“It’s worth it to you? How much you love acting?”
He winces. “I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “I’ve been lucky enough to never be gone more than a couple of weeks at a time before. This is different.”
“I’m not saying you shouldn’t go.” The last thing I want to do is make him feel selfish, or guilty. God knows I’ve made enough selfish decisions in the past few months that I have no right to judge anyone. Besides, it’s his job, not his personal life. “I just was curious is all, if you really love it like that.”
“I know it sounds insane, but I really do love it. I don’t like what comes with it—the dressing up and events and parties or the paparazzi, but as much as I don’t like those things it’s worth it for how much I love bringing different characters to life. But I … I never wanted this to interfere with my relationship with Monroe.”
“It’s only a few months, Spencer. She’ll be fine. I’ll make sure she calls you every day.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course.” I bump his arm lightly. “Facetime exists for a reason.”
“Are you going to talk to me too while I’m gone?” he teases.
“I guess that depends. Doyouwant to talk to me?”
He looks me over in a way that makes me feel extremely exposed. “I always want to talk to you.”
“You know, when you say stuff like that, you’re what Poppy would call down bad.”
“I am,” he says without hesitation.
I lower my head. “But why?” I ask. “I’m nothing special.”
Warm fingers caress my chin, lifting my head. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’ve always been special to me.”
I can’t wrap my head around why he feels that way. From where I’m standing and looking at myself, I’m just … normal, average, maybe even less than average when you consider my fuck ups. The fact this man still manages to look at me like I’m his entire world is hard for me to wrap my head around.
I don’t want to dwell on this topic for too long. This is Willa and Jasper’s special day, after all.
Spencer seems to sense I don’t have it in me to keep chatting about this, so he gives my wrist a squeeze.
“Save a dance for me later, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” I watch him as he goes over to chat with Jasper’s family at their table and I go to find my own seat.
“What was that about?” My mom asks in a hushed voice.
Monroe is occupied with my dad, so I answer, “He’s leaving for Iceland for four months.”
