Page 178 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
“It’s been the greatest pleasure to witness all the joy Willa has brought my son these years. I’m incredibly honored to be the one they asked to marry them. A love like theirs is a rare find and I truly believe fate, and T.J., brought them together.” He glances toward the empty seat beside his wife with a framed photo of T.J.
It was important that Jasper’s brother be included today.
Jasper’s dad launches into the vows, and I look across, accidentally making eye contact with Spencer.
The intense look he gives me nearly drops me to my knees.
It’s impossible for me not to see the pain behind his eyes and his expression seems to sayit should have been us.
I hate that he’s hurting.
I hate that it’s my fault.
I hate that I’ve fucked everything up.
I drop my eyes, focusing on the words Jasper and Willa are saying.
When they exchange rings, I feel my eyes fill with tears, and it’s not because I’m dwelling on the past. It’s because I’m so happy for my sister and that she gets to call the man of her dreams her husband. I know what this means to her. When she was at her worst point with her disease, she believed no one would ever love her. I wonder what that version of her would think of who she is now. I’d like to think teen Willa would be proud of adult Willa. I can’t say teen Harlow would be proud of adult Harlow, though.
“You may now kiss your bride.”
The words break me out of my thoughts and I smile when Jasper grins and grabs Willa’s face, kissing her like he’ll never get enough of her.
Despite what a wreck my life currently is, it’s impossible not to feel anything other than happiness today.
Jasper and Willa head back up the aisle and then Spencer and I follow.
While Jasper and Willa go to take more photos, Spencer and I help with transforming the backyard from the ceremony into a reception area. Just because it’s a small gathering doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be everything my sister wants.
Despite Spencer and I helping with completely opposite tasks—I’m helping my mom and Jasper’s mom set up the tables and Spencer and guys are erecting a tent to help shield from the sun—I keep catching his eyes every so often. I’m not sure which one of us is to blame for it.
Therapy is helping a lot, even with only a few sessions under my belt, but I still have a long way to go.
One thing I’ve come to realize is I need to learn to love myself before I can love someone else again. Spencer’s mom wasn’t wrong when she told me that. But it’s going to take time, reflection, and healing.
With so many of us working, it doesn’t take too long to change the backyard into an oasis.
Jasper and Willa join us again, taking the seats at their designated table in the middle.
A hand tugs on my dress, and I look down at Monroe. “Are they going to give us chicken tenders? I’m hungry.”
Spencer scoops her up in his arms and answers before I can, “They’re serving dinner in a few.”
“But will there be chicken tenders?” she reiterates, staring at him in a way that saysthis is serious business dad.
“There’s going to be chicken tenders just for you.”
“Good. That’s all I wanted to know.” She wiggles against his hold, and he sets her down. She runs over to my sister and for perhaps the hundredth time today, she says, “You look like a princess.”
“You want some chicken tenders too?” Spencer asks in a joking tone.
“I think I’m good.”
He nods, sliding his hands into his pockets. “I … uh … I’m going to be leaving for a few months.”
“What?” My head whips in his direction.
He nods. “I’ll leave at the end of this month. I just found out, because they moved things up which practically never happens.” He gives a humorless laugh. “It’s for the superhero movie. I need to be in Iceland for most of the shooting.”
