Page 79 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
I nod and head to the back, grabbing a water bottle as I go. In the back, I sit down on the couch and take several deep breaths and try to calm my racing thoughts.
Ever since this past weekend and what I've now mentally dubbed ‘the incident’ I keep thinking about Spencer—aboutus. About how we began and how good it was and how … well, how I broke his heart.
I’ve been steady and sure in my decision that our breakup was a good thing—that it was necessary. It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell—it broke my heart too, but I needed that space, especially with everything I was going through. I’ve never let myself dwell on it, or second guess it, but suddenly I’m wondering if Ididmake a mistake and that thought alone makes me want to throw up.
“Get yourself together,” I mutter to myself. I take out my ponytail and redo it just to have something to do with my hands.
I’ve made my choices.
I’m with Jameson now.
Dwelling on the past will get me nowhere.
I finish the water and use the restroom before returning to work.
Somehow, I manage to make it through my entire shift without spilling another thing, but I don’t make it entirely unscathed because Poppy gets off at the same time and follows me out to the parking lot.
“What is up with you today?” she questions, leaning againstmydriver’s door so I can’t get in my car.
“I’m just a little off,” I say, sliding my sunglasses on.
Her eyes narrow. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”
A wave of panic rushes through me, but I quickly shove that feeling aside. “No, definitely not. I have an implant, remember.”
She shrugs. “Weirder stuff has happened in the world than someone getting pregnant with an implant.”
“I’m not pregnant,” I reiterate.
“Then what is it?” she presses.
I became friends with Poppy through the coffee shop when I was still with Spencer, so she’s well versed on the entire situation.
“Spencer came to my family’s get together this past weekend and it was just a little weird, okay? It has me feeling off.”
When it comes to Poppy, the closer I am to honest, the better off I am. But there’s no way I can tell her about the bathroom incident. She likes Jameson plenty, but she has a soft spot for Spencer.
“Weird, how?” she probes, always looking for more details.
I cross my arms over my chest, and my purse strap slides down to the crook of my elbow—not helping me to look intimidating at all.
“It was just weird.”
Poppy cocks her head to the side. “I know you and you’re holding something back.”
Fuck. I hate it that she always sees right through me.
“Get in the car,” I mutter. “I’m not having this conversation outside.”
Call me paranoid, but Jameson and Spencer have both been known to show up here and I’m not about to have this conversation out in the open when I’m worried one might pop up.
Poppy scurries around to my passenger seat and I get in, starting the ignition so we can have the AC running.
“Spill,” Poppy commands, but there’s concern in her eyes too. As much as she’s nosy, she’s still a good friend. I hate that I haven’t been able to hang out with her lately.
“Spencer’s been coming around more,” I explain. “He told me he missed our friendship and since we’re both Monroe’s parents it’s probably better for us to be friendly. He has a point.” I shrug and take a second to think through what I say next. “I’ve been over to his house, and we went surfing, and when I was sick, he stayed and took care of me that day, and then at my parents…” I bang the back of my head into the headrest and slowly turn to look at Poppy. “Do you think I’ve pushed Spencer away on purpose for all these years because I still have feelings for him?”
“Is that whatyouthink?” she volleys my own question back at me.
