Page 4 of The Christmas Cottage
“Mabel?” Vanessa squeaked out, setting her coffee down abruptly. “Are you all right?”
It was the first thing she thought of. She hadn’t seen her grandmother in many years—not since she was a small child. Her parents had moved away from Fir Tree Grove when she was young, and even though they often talked about going back to visit, living in California was expensive. Trips weren’t in the cards all that often, and the couple of times that they had gone back, Vanessa was at summer camp or on a vacation with her own friends.
She remembered getting toys for Christmas every year from her grandmother though. She knew Mabel owned a toy shop in Fir Tree Grove, and she recalled that every year, the toys she got were something special and unique. She still had a few of them, tucked away in storage boxes in her closet. She thought she remembered that one of them was a nutcracker in a festive park ranger’s outfit, and it would make a good Christmas decoration, but every year she forgot to go and get it out. Anyway, a single decoration in her otherwise un-festive apartment would look odd.
Once she got older, of course, Christmas gifts became a check in the mail along with a box of peppermint bark. But her grandmother always thought to send her something. And there was always a warm note with it, wishing her a happy holiday and telling her that she hoped all was well. She sent a card on Vanessa’s birthdays as well, and she’d never forgotten a single one.
Vanessa remembered her grandmother being sweet and warm, but she felt a stab of guilt as soon as Mabel began talking. She didn’t know what to say, and discomfort wormed through her as she thought of the fact that she hadn’t bothered to go andvisit her grandmother, despite the fact that she could have. She always had paid time off built up that she never took, and she could easily have flown or driven up for a long weekend. She just always had some reason why she needed to work, some excuse as to why she couldn’t make it. She would tell herself that she should pencil in a weekend to visit, and then something would distract her, and she would forget until the next time it crossed her mind.
It wasn’t as if she didn’t want to go back to visit either. What memories she had of Fir Tree Grove gave her a warm, fond feeling when she recalled them, but they were all hazy. It had been so long that she couldn’t remember anything specific, only vague memories of crunching snow and peppermint hot chocolate, slick wrapping paper and the smell of fresh-cut Christmas trees.
She remembered her parents being happy to visit, but also being eager to get back to the city. And she remembered that Fir Tree Grove was very small. Very cozy to the people who lived there, she imagined, but also insular in a way that made her uncomfortable when she thought of it.
That was part of why she hadn’t visited too. She knew she wouldn’t fit in well there. She’d be an outsider, a tourist, out of her depth. Here in San Francisco, with her apartment and her job and her routine, she was comfortable. Secure. She didn’t relish the thought of spending a few days constantly feeling on her back foot.
“I’m good enough,” Mabel said cheerfully. “How have you been, dear?”
“I’m fine,” Vanessa answered automatically. “Just busy with work. Never stops, you know?” She wasn’t sure that her grandmother did.Does she still run the toy store?She couldn’t imagine that life in Fir Tree Grove—even running a shop—was ashectic as her job tended to be. But it felt like the best she could do at making small talk. She wasn’t used to it, and it felt awkward.
“Do I ever.” Mabel chuckled. “The toy business this time of year is the busiest it ever is. Got to make all those sales for Santa.”
“So you’re still running the shop?”
“Of course.” The smile in Mabel’s voice was evident even through the phone. “I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon either. But you should see it for yourself, Vanessa. I’d love it if you could come visit me for the holidays. I haven’t seen you in so long. Just a brief visit. It would be so nice. I miss you, you know.”
Vanessa hesitated, anxiety instantly buzzing through her. Russell would lose his mind if she told him that she needed to take off to her small hometown for Christmas. He’d only just told her that he was going to need her in the office over the holidays. She was the only one he could count on to work those kinds of hours and not ask for time off. If she suddenly needed to take vacation time, his micromanaging would become even worse, she knew. He’d insist that she wasn’t as reliable any longer, and needed oversight. He’d want to look in on every little thing that she did.
“My work is really demanding,” she said finally, chewing on her lip. “I don’t think I can make that happen. My boss doesn’t really like to approve time off, especially because he relies on me. I just don’t see how?—”
“Well, boss or no boss, Christmas is a time for family,” Mabel pointed out gently. “And I haven’t seen you in years, sweetheart. I have my friends here, of course, but it gets a bit lonely around the holidays. It would be the highlight of my entire year to have my granddaughter here for Christmas, even just for a few days.”
Vanessa wrinkled up her nose. She truly had no idea how she would pull it off. She hadn’t taken a single vacation in all the years she’d worked for Russell, and she usually ended updoing work on her weekends as well, just as she was doing that afternoon. It would completely throw him for a loop if she asked to go out of town, especially considering the fact that he specifically told her he would need her not to.
But she could swear she heard the loneliness in her grandmother’s voice, that wistful sound of longing to have some family around for Christmas. Vanessa pointedly stayed away from all of that, not wanting to think about the fact that she no longer had her parents. It was much easier to hide behind her work, and make it so that she had no time to think about it.
But Mabel didn’t have any other family now either. Vanessa felt that twinge of guilt again, followed by a wave of compassion for how difficult it must be for her. Especially living in a place where Christmas was so celebrated, probably surrounded by others with large family gatherings—Vanessa could understand the plea for her to come home, just for one year. Just for a few days.
“Okay,” she heard herself saying, before she could stop it from coming out. “I’ll make some arrangements…”
“Could you be here Monday? I’m dying to see you.”
Absolutely not,Vanessa thought, at the same time that she heard herself saying, “Yes, I think I can manage that. I’ll let you know as soon as I have everything sorted out.”
“Wonderful!” Mabel’s voice was jubilant, so thoroughly happy that for a moment Vanessa didn’t think at all about the consequences of what she’d just said. Not until they’d finished saying their goodbyes andI love yous, and she’d hung up the phone.
She stared at it for a long moment, picking up her now-cold coffee as she shook her head, anxiety flooding her once again. She was so jittery now that she didn’t think she would need that espresso after all. Her thoughts were running a hundred miles a minute.
How on earth am I going to tell Russell?
She looked at her laptop, with all of its open tabs, all on various tasks she was busily working on during her day off. He was going to think she’d lost her mind. That she’d been possessed. He wasn’t going to understand why she’d agreed to take off all of the sudden, that was for certain.
I can work remote,she thought, sighing as she took a sip of cold pumpkin spice. She would only go for a couple of days, just enough to see her grandmother and catch up, and she could work while she was there.
Clearly Mabel was still running the toy shop, so she could work during the hours while it was open. There had to be working internet in Fir Tree Grove, right? And she was pretty sure elderly folks went to bed early. She could work after Mabel was asleep too. Russell would be calling her nonstop, but she would manage it. And maybe there would be spotty cell service up near the mountains, so he wouldn’t be able to bug herquiteas much. Maybe she’d even be able to work in relative peace for a few days. He’d be annoyed by it, but as long as the work was done…
She thought about calling Mabel back and telling her she’d made a mistake saying yes, but she just couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone. She didn’t know her grandmother all that well any longer, but the thought of disappointing her felt too heavy, all the same. She didn’t like disappointing anyone, and that extended to this situation. The thought of how Mabel’s voice would sound if she called back and said that she wouldn’t be able to make it after all made her stomach drop.
Deep down, she knew she missed having family around too. She just tried not to think about it. And a part of her was afraid that by going back to Fir Tree Grove, she’d be reminding herself of exactly how it felt to miss it. It might make it harder to bealone again, and she’d gotten used to that. She didn’t want to shake that up.
