Page 35 of Spiralling Skywards
He shifted his position, buried his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and looked around the room.
“Liam. I like you.” My mouth filled with saliva, I swallowed a couple of times in succession and wondered for a few seconds if I was actually gonna throw up. Situations like this, feelings, emotions, coupledom, they were all new to me.
“I like you a lot, but please try to understand, I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. I had a boyfriend for three months when I was eighteen and just starting college, and that’s about it.Oneboyfriend.Ever.”
He kept staring down at the carpet, still avoiding making eye contact with me.
“I’ve been out on dates, but I can count on one hand the men that I’ve seen more than once or twice. I don’t think I saw any of them more than three times.”
“I really don’t need to hear the low-down on your sex life.” He spoke, but he still didn’t look at me.
“I’m not giving you the low-down on my sex life. I don’t have a sex life,” I snapped.
Now it was time formeto lean back against the window sill and crossmyarms in a defensive pose. His eyes finally met mine. I’d never seen him look more serious. His eyebrows were drawn together in a deep frown, causing lines to appear on his forehead.
“Wha’d’ya mean you don’t have a sex life? You’ve had a sex life, though? You’ve had sex before, haven’t ya?”
Yeah I’d had sex, but not nearly as often or with as many people as I was apparently expected to have had sex with.
I recalled the conversation I’d overhead Nan and Luke having about me years ago and wondered again, exactly how much Liam knew about my past, about my mother.
“Sarah?”
Good thing the only light in the room was shining in from the hallway and the street light outside, because my cheeks were on fire, and I didn’t want anyone having to bear witness to my absolute embarrassment.
I didn’t knowwhyI was embarrassed to tell him the number of men I’dnothad sex with. It wasn’t something Ishould’vebeen ashamed of, and I wondered if I would have been embarrassed to admit my number if Ihadbeen the kind of girl that slept around. Maybe I would have openly, happily, and without an ounce of regret admitted to sleeping with ten, twenty, or thirty men. What number constituted as “high” anyway? I had no clue—but what I did know, what I was acutely aware of, was that my number was low, very low.
“Yes, I’ve had sex.”
He let out a grunt of relief. I thought back to the amount of blood involved when Darren popped my cherry and assumed that dealing with virgins was obviously too messy for his taste.
Anger bubbled in my chest. I wasn’t sure why. Him not wanting to deal with messy virgins, my self-imposed celibacy, those bloody hormones again? I had no clue.
“Twice,” I added. Thinking that he would be relieved to know that no blood would be involved if we did ever finally get to fuck. His eyebrows shot up and then pulled down into a frown almost within the same second.
“Twice?” he questioned, crossing his arms back over his chest.
“Yes twice. Two different men, but twice, ever.”
“Yeah, yeah. Twice, I’m getting it. Fucking hell, you’re practically a virgin . . . ish.”
“There’s no ‘ish’ when it comes to virginity. That cherry is either popped or it’s not. Although, if the second bloke had been my first, technically I think I would still be carrying my V card.”
“Yeah, I don’t need to know that kinda information, Sares, like, not ever, if that’s all right with you?”
“Oh, I’m more than happy to never speak about my sex life, or lack thereof, with you or anyone else on this planet again, ever.”
He pushed his hands back down into the pockets of his jeans and stepped towards me.
“I sorta like your lack of past experience. It turns me on.”
He took another step towards me, hands still buried in his pockets, but at least now he had a smile on his face.
“I don’t. What if I’m no good at it?” I whispered.
“Then I’ll teach you to be better.”
He stepped closer.
