Page 74 of The Story of Us
“I’m not angry Cam, I’m sad. Why? Why did you do this to yourself?”
He closes his eyes, when he opens them, his look is cold and hard and it scares me for a second. “My head hurts, would you please get me some headache tablets and a glass of water?”
I don’t question his change in tone or the way he’s now looking at me, he’s hurt and he’s angry and I’m the cause of his suffering. I think that entitles him to look at me however he likes. “I can get you some water but no tablets, the doctor will be here soon and I’m not sure what he wants to give you.”
“What doctor, why?” He starts to get up out of bed but his legs are unsteady and he stagers and falls back down, I call out for Benny, but it’s Robbie that’s first through the door.
“Back in bed Cam.”
“You’re not locking me up again; I’m not going back to that place!” Cam’s shouting and Robbie’s trying to get him back into bed, Benny comes in and helps to hold him down.
“Don’t hurt him,” I shout at both of them.
“Get her out!” Cam growls. “Get her the fuck out of here, don’t let her see me, Rob, don’t let her see me like this.”
He starts to sob, and I start to cry. “Please Rob, please don’t lock me up.”
Robbie holds onto Cam as he sobs. “I won’t mate, I promise I won’t, the doctor’s coming. Joshie and Tor are on their way. We’ll look after you here, I won’t lock you up, and we’ll get you better between us.”
Cam stops fighting and just lets his big brother hold him, while I stand in the corner and cry, as I watch the outcome of my actions unfold. Robbie looks at me and gestures with his head for me to get out. I leave, I don’t wait for a lift, I leave the flat and make the ten minute walk back home with my head down and hope that no one recognises me; as I come down the back ally, I spot Sean’s, Len’s and my Dad’s cars all blocking my way. Fuck, I’m in trouble.
Dave is standing at the bottom of the stairs and lets out sigh and then shakes his head as he sees me. “Thanks Georgia, I’m in so much fuckin’ trouble coz of you.” For fucks sake.
“I’m sorry Dave, but if it’s any consolation, I bet I’m in more.”
He nods his head. “I think your right there babe, Maca is doing his narna, I think they were about to call the Police.” Shit, fuck, bollocks.
I run up the stairs and down the hallway to a welcoming party of my entire family plus Jimmie, Ash, Sean and Milo, the whole room falls absolutely silent for a split second. Sean has his back to me; he turns, looks me over, puts his hands on his hips and lets out the biggest sigh as his chin falls forward onto his chest.
“Where the fuck have you been George?” Bailey speaks first, my Dad rakes his hand through his hair and comes and gives me a cuddle.
“Princess, you scared the fuckin’ life outta me, don’t ever, ever do that again!”
I swallow. “I’m sorry Daddy.” I look around the room at all the anxious faces, Baileys making a call.
“Fin, she’s here, call the boys off… Na, she’s fine, I’ll bell ya later and let ya know, cheers.” His angry eyes look me over.
“That close.” He shows me a very tiny space between his thumb and index finger as he holds them up. “We were that fuckin’ close to start banging down doors. Dave said you went off with bald Benny, said you wouldn’t be long. That was seven hours ago George, seven fucking hours, no one’s seen you, no one’s seen King. You didn’t call, we had no idea where the fuck you were. We thought he’d flipped his lid and gone psycho again, kidnapped ya, killed ya, we didn’t know George, coz you being the selfish little bitch that you are, fucked off without a word. Dad was ready to start shooting people, Macas not far behind.” He stops to draw breath. “Do you ever stop and think about anyone but yourself George, ever? You start running around with Sean when you’re just a kid, getting up to God knows what. Then you spend four years acting like we should have you committed, then you start running around with one of the East End’s biggest gangsters, whose wife just happened to die in very mysterious circumstances and then, finally, we get a two week window where we all think that we can finally breathe, you’re back with Maca, finally right where you wanna be and then you pull this little stunt. What the fuck is wrong with you? What exactly is it you want, do you even know? For fuck’s sake Georgia, you’re nearly twenty-one, it’s time to grow up and start being accountable for your actions and the affect they have on everyone else.”
I stand, alone, mortified and let the tears roll silently down my cheeks, everything he has said is true, I’m a spoilt, selfish girl and I don’t take other people’s feelings into account as often as I should, as much as I should. I look around the room, at the worried faces of the people that love most in the world but I don’t make eye contact with any of them. “I’m so sorry everyone, I didn’t mean for anyone to worry, I was asked to help out in an emergency and I lost track of time. I’m so sorry, I should’ve called, I should’ve let someone know where I was or taken Dave with me but I didn’t and I’m sorry.”
I walk past every one, go straight to my bathroom and turn on the shower, I turn the water around to hot, take off my clothes and step under, adjusting the water so that it’s as hot as I can bear it. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I didn’t mean to be selfish, and I didn’t mean to hurt anyone or make them worry. I didn’t know Cam loved me, I didn’t know my family had been so concerned for so long but at the end of the day, is ignorance any kind of defence or am I just a stupid, spoiled twenty year old, who thought she knew it all?
I slide down the wall, bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
I’m not sure how long I spend sitting on the shower floor but when I eventually get out, Sean is sitting on the edge of the bath holding a towel. He stands and wraps it around me and just holds me tight, he grabs another from the rack and starts to rub my hair dry with it. I’ve stopped crying but my jaw is still quivering and you can hear it in my voice when I say to Sean, “I’m so sorry.”
He pulls me in tighter and kisses the top of my head. “Let’s go to bed,” is all that he says. I climb into bed and sit and dry my hair as I watch him take off his clothes, he strips totally naked and climbs into bed next to me, pulling me to him. I feel safe, warm and loved, which is probably more than I deserve. “Dya wanna tell me about it?”
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
“I was so worried G, I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in all my life. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to start and what scared me more was how worried your Dad was.” Once again I remain silent.
“Sean?”
“Gia?”
“Make love to me?”
