Page 20 of Loving Wild
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The nightmares are back,and because Lauren’s barely said a word to me since giving her statement to the police two days ago, I have no fucking clue how to help her.
She’s silent all day, then cries in her sleep at night.
All I can do is hold her when she clings to me. It stops her tears, stops her legs from kicking out, and it calms her down enough that we can both get some sleep, but the instant she wakes up, she pulls away and withdraws for the rest of the day.
I’ve not pushed her to talk . . . yet. But dealing with her silence as well as my own guilt is eating me up inside.
We got the call yesterday afternoon that East had been remanded but would be appealing and applying for bail, but even that didn’t prompt a reaction from her. I haven’t told her yet, but Freddie messaged me last night that East’s team has made an urgent bail application, and if granted, he could be out as early as today.
Jo, Jemma, and Ryder have all called, but she’s responded via text rather than talking to them, telling them all she’s not up for seeing anyone just yet, and I’ve let it go.
But today I’m done. She either talks to me, or I’m going to insist she gets some professional help.
Right now, her back’s pressed into my front, and her arms are crossed over mine, which are wrapped around her, our hands laced together.
I sense the slight change in her breathing right before she starts to move away from me. Instead of letting her go like the last couple of mornings, I tighten my grip.
“We need to talk,” I say against the soft skin behind her ear.
“I need a wee,” she replies.
“You’ll just have to cross your legs and hold on for a minute.”
“I’m old, remember? Not sure I can.”
“Wet the bed then, I don’t really care as long as you listen.” That’s met with silence, so I continue. “The blokes are coming back this morning to finish installing the cameras and alarm system. While they do that, we need to get Ava’s new furniture organised, so she has a room to sleep in when she gets here tomorrow.”
“Can it be cancelled?”
“The alarms and cameras, absolutely not. Your prick of an ex is in court again soon, if he makes bail, I want this place secure. I’m not always gonna be home when you are, and I don’t want to be going out of my mind worrying that fucker is gonna turn up here.” I pause for a moment, the memories of finding Lauren collapsed on the driveway piercing holes in my brain.
“And the furniture? It’s already here babe, got delivered yesterday morning, remember?”
“Not the furniture, I know that’s here. I meant Ava. Can Ava’s visit be cancelled till next week, or better still, the week after?”
Flipping her to her back, I position myself on top of her but hold the weight of my upper body off her with my arms.
“You seriously want me to cancel the little time I get to spend with my daughter?”
Shifting all of my weight onto one arm, I use the other to peel Lauren’s arm from where it’s now bent and covering her face.
“No,” she whispers when her blue eyes meet mine. “I’m just tired and not sure I’ll be very good company. Perhaps I should just go and stay with Ryder for the weekend.”
“You’re not going to Ryder’s.”
“I’m not ready, Gabe. I don’t want to see anyone, let alone meet your daughter while I’m looking like this.”
Her eyes are watery, and her lips tremble as she talks, and I hate that she’s close to tears and that I’ve made her that way.
I roll off her and onto my back. Staring up at the ceiling, I move my lower jaw from side to side in an attempt at relieving some of the tension I’m holding there.
Turning to look back at Lauren, I watch as a tear tracks from the corner of her eye, traces a path around her ear, and down her neck to her hairline.
She’s not as bruised on the outside as before, but East has fucked her up on the inside this time, and I have to close my eyes against the guilt churning in my chest and gut. I let it sit there for a long moment before letting out a sigh.
“This ain’t you, Ren,” I roll back on top of her as I speak. “You’re a fighter. I haven’t known you long, but I one hundred per cent know that about you, and you told me Tuesday morning that you weren’t going to let him win.”
