Page 14 of Kay
“You don’t get it, do you?”
“I don’t, baby. I’m sorry.”
“You know how mermaids sing to pirates?”
“Yes, a siren’s song.”
“Yeah. Your laugh is my siren song, only with a happy ending. I think the mermaids maybe eat the pirates after they lure them over and I know you won’t eat me… Well at least not in a bad way.” She giggled.
Scooping up some bubbles I put them on her nose, delighting in her humor. “Tell me more about my laugh being your siren’s song.”
“Sometimes when I’m scared, I listen for your laugh. I know I can hear it over the crowd and when I find it, I always follow it to you. Even though I don’t actually go to you, it’s still a sign that you’re there and I’m safe. I fell in love with your laugh before this—before we—ever happened. It was my first night at The Thirsty Turtle and I didn’t know anyone. I felt so out of place and I’d just come out as gay, so I was feeling extra alone. I was going to leave and right as I went to slide on my jacket to go, you laughed and I was so drawn to the sound that I followed it through the crowd to you. You smiled at me, like a real smile—genuine and wide, and I thought maybe I was finally where I needed to be.”
Warmth, so tender and pure, bloomed in my chest and I leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Lennon’s forehead. Tears freely rolled down my cheeks and I wiped them away.
“Lennon, thank you. That is so beautiful. I’m going to tuck those words inside my heart and keep them forever.”
“I’m sorry that the thing that’s so special to me is an insecurity for you. Maybe the people before me didn’t appreciate it, but it doesn’t have to be that way anymore, Daddy.”
“No, it doesn’t, Little one,” I agreed, admiring her wisdom.
She nodded confidently before going back to her bath toys.
“You know what’s true about you too, honey.”
“Huh?”
Chuckling at her childlike expression, I continued, “You’re really hard on yourself about your struggle to understand others, but I don’t see someone who struggles with relationships. Do you want to know what I see?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“I see a Little girl who keeps trying to bring smiles to peoples faces. Even when she knows that might mean rejection. One who constantly works on making and maintaining friendships. A very kind-hearted woman who works to be a good friend even when it's hard. That’s admirable, honey.”
“It doesn’t feel admirable. It feels like failure. Every time I think I’ve made some progress I get it wrong.”
Noticing the goosebumps on her skin, I pulled the plug on the tub, helped her stand, and then wrapped a soft towel around her. “I don’t think you’re getting it wrong, honey. I just think maybe you’re not getting the responses you think you should.”
Rubbing her arms through the towel, I led her to my bed and settled her there, keeping the towel wrapped around her. “That’s not your fault, though, honey. Anyone would expect kind words to be responded to with kind words, but kindness makes some people prickly.”
“Prickly?”
“Sometimes people who have been wronged in the past respond to people being kind to them in panic. They’re worried to let someone into their space again because of what happened to them before. It makes them kind of prickly.”
“Oh,” she said. She looked deep in thought.
“There’s other reasons that people could react that way, but none of those mean that it was your fault your kindness wasn’t received.”
“Should I stop trying if the people aren’t nice back?”
Patting her skin dry, I thought over her words. “That’s up to you, baby.”
“It hurts, sosobad when they shut me out or snap at me. I just want to be their friend, but…”
“But what, Lennon?”
“What if I’m the only one that tries to be kind to them? What if because my feelings get hurt, I let them shut me out and they miss out on having a good friend?”
Fucking dammit. She was so genuine.
