Page 48 of Built to Last
“So did I.” I sniffle then launch into the explanation of how I ended up here crying on Bel’s sofa instead of back at Phillip’s in new relationship bliss. When I finish a look passes between them over my head and Bel clears his throat uncomfortably.
“What?” I ask, confused about why they’re not immediately jumping to my defence like I expected.
“Well…” he runs a hand through his blonde curls, stalling.
“Seriously, what?” I ask, sitting up straighter, gaze darting between them.
“Look, I’m not saying what he did was right but I think you’re being a little harsh,” he tells me gently. Thrown by his accusation, I turn to face Aria, gobsmacked when I see her nodding in agreement.
“You think I overreacted?”
Aria takes my hand in hers, squeezing gently. “I think,” she begins carefully, glancing at Bel for approval before continuing, “that everything you’ve been through with Malcolm and your family left you with some unresolved issues, and maybe that’s why you’ve had a bigger emotional response to what Phillip did than is necessarily called for.”
Snatching my hand away, hurt that neither of them understand, I argue, “They have nothing to do with this. Phillipliedto me.”
“And that was shitty of him. But do you really think he was keeping it from you maliciously?” Bel presses.
“Think about it, Rose.Reallythink about everything you’ve told me about him since you started working together. Is that honestly the kind of person you think he is?” Aria asks.
I force myself to slow down and take a few deep breaths, until my mind stops racing long enough for me to properly consider what Aria and Bel are saying. The calm brings with it a harsh sense of clarity and deep, sinking shame over how I’ve handled things.
“Shit,” I groan, dropping my head into my hands. They’re right. I’ve fucked up. Sure, Phillip isn’t entirely innocent here either, but I didn’t give him a chance to explain. I jumped to the worst possible conclusions when he’s done nothing to suggest he deserved that. “You’re right.”Phillipwas right, I should have given him the benefit of the doubt and talked it through. Instead, I let hurt and fear drive my actions and I pushed him away.
“Sounds like you both have some apologising to do,” Aria points out. One of the things I love most about our friendship is we’re not afraid to call each other out when we mess up.
“Yeah, I just hope he gives me the chance. We didn’t exactly leave off on the best terms,” I admit with another sigh. “In the moment, all I could think was that he chose to sleep with me and act like nothing was going on this whole time instead of telling me about the show. It made me feel like he was making sure he got what he wanted first, in case telling me didn’t go well. Now I’ve had a chance to calm down, I can understand why he waited to tell me.”
“You two just need to talk it out, it’ll be OK,” Bel reassures me.
“I’ll try. It’s just hard. I really let my guard down with him. Honestly, I think that’s partly why I freaked out so much.”
“You need to tell him all of that,” Aria says and I nod in agreement, letting out a slow, centring breath.
“I will. Tomorrow. I think it’s best if we both take a little more time to cool off tonight, then I’ll go over there and apologise in the morning.”
“Good.” Bel gives my arm a light squeeze before getting up. “We’re going to head to my room, give you some time to process. Come join our movie marathon when you’re ready.”
“And bring the brownies,” Aria tells me, pointing between them and the bag of chocolatey goodness as she follows Bel out of the room. My laughter fades once I’m left alone and I mull over what I should say to Phillip tomorrow. That is, if he’s willing to talk to me.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Phillip
After receivinga severe talking-to from my mother, the likes of which I haven’t experienced since I was a dumb teenager, I came home as quickly as I could, hoping I’d catch Rose before she left so I could try and explain again, but she was already gone. I’m not sure if she’s coming over today but I know there’s still a lot of detail she wants to add to the set so she’ll have to come back here at some point, even if it’s just to finish the project.
The temptation to text her last night was unreal, but every time I started reaching for my phone I thought better of it, forcing myself to give her space. As much as I wanted to talk to her, it wasn’t about what I wanted. Sure, I was hurt that Rose thought the worst of me but I’m the one who gave her a reason to doubt.
I called Mrs Jeffries when I got home and realised Rose wasn’t here. I’ve done some work for the older woman in the past and a couple of days ago she emailed asking me to let her know when I had a free day to do a few small jobs around the house for her. Luckily, she didn’t mind me calling on a Sunday and is happy for me to come over today despite the short notice. It’s not that I want to avoid Rose, but she was so angry yesterday it seems wise to err on the side of caution. If she does come over towork today, I don’t want her to feel like I’m taking advantage of her being in my space and forcing my presence on her.
If I don’t hear anything from her today, I’ll reach out. While I can respect her need for space, I’m not willing to let this go on past today without us having a proper conversation. If she still doesn’t want anything to do with me after that then I’ll continue to make myself scarce while she finishes painting the set.
Toolbox at the ready, I head out to the car wanting to get an early start over at Mrs Jeffries’ place. Hopefully working my way through the list of odd-jobs she emailed me last night will be enough to keep my mind off Rose for a few hours. Even though I doubt she wants to see me I send her a quick text letting her know I’ll be gone for the day, just in case she does show up.
Rose
I stand on Phillip’s doorstep, gut churning with nerves over seeing him again. Slowly I take a few deep breaths in an effort to stay calm while working up the nerve to ring the bell. It doesn’t feel right to use the key he gave me when things are so strained between us. Waiting only makes my nerves worse so I take the plunge, wrestling an arm free from the coffees and pastries I’m holding. On my way over I stopped at Snug thinking arriving with apology treats might help our talk go better. A few minutes go by with no answer. I ring the bell again.
A sinking feeling worms its way through me when there’s still no answer. I’m starting to worry he’s not here, but surely he would have said something if he wasn’t going to be home this morning, fight or not. I arrived earlier than usual, maybe he’s still out in the workshop with his music on and is unable to hearthe doorbell. I know he likes to start his day early. I walk around to the garage trying not to worry, but the weight of concern presses down on my chest anyway.
