Page 35 of Deep Down
“I know what you mean, yeah.”
“Darren is a personal trainer. It was his job, after all. I didn’t think anything of it. After my third visit, he asked me out. I said yes.” Craig smiled.
“What were your first impressions of him?”
“Big!” Craig snickered and bit his lip to contain his smile. “He was muscular, tall, had that Dwayne Johnson look going.”
Amanda grinned. “Nice.”
“Right? Our first date, he took me to Romano’s. You know, the Italian place?”
“Yeah, I know it. The food is amazing.”
“It is!” Craig smiled again. “He spoiled me rotten. Took me on date after date. Sometimes a stroll in the park, sometimes a picnic. Oh, he took me on a boat on the River Cam once.” Craig paused, smile diminishing. “I felt cherished. Loved.” He frowned, staring at Amanda. “Was it all a lie?”
“Did it feel like a lie?”
Craig paused. “Not while I was living it.”
“And now?”
“I’m debating every hour we ever had together. Was it abuse? Did I ask for it? Why did I not see what we had become?” Craig inspected the floor.
“I don’t believe you ever asked for Darren to hit you, did you?” Amanda’s voice was quiet in the silence.
Craig shook his head.
“And I don’t believe you are the type of person to bury your head in the sand, either. My thoughts are this. From what you’ve described, your relationship was extremely passionate and reached a high intensity quickly. I don’t believe you had time totrulyget to know Darren before your relationship had reached that height. I’m not saying you both weren’t in love with each other. However, I do think Darren had no right to lay a hand on you atanypoint through your relationship.” Amanda rested the notepad back on the table next to her, uncrossed her legs and leaned forward, bracing her elbows on her knees and linking her fingers. “We can work through this, Craig. Figure out what you want to know…need to know. You are going to need some support. People behind you to help keep you up if you get down.” She paused. “Can you tell me about your family?”
Craig squinted at her, raising an eyebrow. “My parents live in a little place called Danbury, near Chelmsford.”
“Any siblings or cousins?”
“Three brothers. Blake and Aaron are older, Brandon is younger.”
“Your parents had four boys?” Amanda’s eyebrows rose.
“Yeah, all within seven years, too.”
“Brave people.” She snorted.
“Yeah.” Craig had an impromptu sense of homesickness. “They turned their back on me when I continued my relationship with Darren.”
“Continued? Had there been a chance of it ending?” Amanda sat back in her chair, gaze on him.
“Not from my side. My family kept making remarks about Darren—he wasn’t good for me, he was a waste of space, etcetera—Darren was, naturally, getting sick of it, as was I. He tried to break things off with me, but I wouldn’t let my family push us apart. In the end, I stopped returning their calls.” Craig paused. “Hindsight is a wonderful thing, is it not? Surely, their response should have told me something.” He tentatively leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
“Yes, hindsight is a good thing. It enables us to learn from our mistakesandfrom our achievements.” There was silence until Amanda spoke again, “I think you need to contact your family. You need their support right now, as well as any friends you have. You need to surround yourself with people who don’t expect anything from you.”
“I don’t have any friends.” He tunnelled his hands through his hair.
“Craig, I am your psychologist first, your friend second, but they are closely linked. I need to keep a certain distance to be able to help you. But I won’t turn you away in a time of need. Keep it in mind. You have friends here, new ones, yes, but friends all the same.”
Craig sat back slowly, lowering his hands. “Thank you, Amanda.”
“You’re very welcome. Now let’s figure out when I can see you next.”
They’d arranged the appointment for three days later when a knock sounded.
