Page 49 of Deep Down
“How did he apologise?” Amanda asked.
“With a glass paperweight and making love.” Craig’s throat was thick with unshed tears. “Was I wrong?”
“Craig. Listen to me.” He focused on Amanda’s words, firm in his ear. “You are not to blame. You did nothing wrong. Darren hurt you when he should have taken care of you. No one has the right to hurt you, regardless of their intentions.” Craig shuddered an exhale. “You are strong, Craig. Don’t let those guys get inside your head. Darren’s mental games will be with you for a while, but we can unpick everything he did. You need to believe in yourself. Be true to what you know and feel. Soon, he will have no hold on you whatsoever.”
Craig rested his head back against the door, worn out from the stress. “Thank you, Amanda.”
“You’re welcome, Craig. It’s going to take time. And you will need constant reminders that you are in the right. But tonight, I want you to relax. Don’t work because it will hide your thoughts. You need to let them free, relax. Write down whatever comes to mind, no matter what it is. If it becomes too overwhelming for you, stop. But try to get it down. We can work through it tomorrow at our appointment.”
“Alright.”
“Relax and get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow. And as always, ring me if you need me, regardless of the time.” Amanda was an angel; Craig was sure of it. Whenever he spoke to her, he felt all was right in the world. It was when he was left to his own thoughts and emotions that things went wrong.
Craig hung up after saying goodbye and assuring her he would call if needed. He sat on the floor, head and back resting against the door, legs splayed out in front of him, arms heavy against his lap as he stared down the hallway. Struggling to get himself moving, Craig staggered to the bathroom. A bath was what he needed.
He set his phone on the toilet seat next to him and submerged himself in the warm water, trying to wash away the last cobwebs of emotion. Raising his head above the water, Craig rested it back against the edge of the bath and dried his hands on a towel. He set his phone to record audio and dictated his thoughts; it might be easier than writing them down.
The more emotions Craig identified as he spoke, the madder he got. He’d been through a wide variety of reactions: scared of the large angry men; confusion over second-guessing himself; nervous and peering over his shoulder to see if more people were angry with him; furious that he knew he was right and had been stupid to think otherwise because he knew Darren had done it to someone else, and tired. Fucking tired of being messed up.
Amanda had been right about one thing. Getting it all out had helped him relax further. The anger from what he’d been through had receded. Craig added more hot water to the cooling bath and settled in for a bit longer.
The ripples in the water caressed his cock, perking it up as arousal flowed through Craig. He moved gently in the water, encouraging the ripples to become larger and faster and skimming around his cock. He closed his eyes and slid a hand between his legs, rubbing his fingers between his balls and his hole, his shaft becoming harder and standing up out of the water.
Craig grasped his dick, giving a stroke and choked back a cry as his back bowed. Water sluiced across his skin, and he swiped a finger across the tip of his cock before sliding his hand back down. His other hand found his opening and pressed forward. Keening sounds reverberated around the bathroom as both hands kept rhythm: one fucking his ass, the other making short strokes on his cock.
Craig’s heartrate increased the closer he came to his peak. His muscles tensed, and his hand increased its speed, making smaller motions, concentrating on the nerves beneath his hood and adding a twist.
His balls drew up, and his climax crept closer until Alex’s face appeared behind his closed eyelids. His muscles contracted as he exploded, his come landing on his heaving chest as Craig continued to stroke until he was too sensitive.
Relaxing back, he smiled, not sure if this was the relaxing Amanda had in mind but enjoying the aftermath, nonetheless. Until he remembered Alex.
“Fuck!” Craig’s cheeks singed with heat. “What did I do?” He rubbed a hand across his forehead before sighing.
He climbed out of the bath after releasing the plug and towelled himself off. Gripping his phone, he exited the bathroom and sat under the covers of the bed once he’d grabbed a notepad and pen. He picked his phone up and saw he hadn’t stopped the recording. Shit. He groaned. Now he had audio of him orgasming. Fantastic. Luckily, he could delete it once he’d transcribed what else he had said.
Writing out what he’d said took a while, and he was about to delete the recording when his first moan came from the speaker. Scrunching up his nose, he hesitated but, curious to know what he sounded like when he came, he sat and listened. His cock grew hard as the gasps, groans and whimpers came through loud and clear. When he climaxed on the recording, his cock was weeping with precome, but he refused to jack off to the sounds of his own orgasm.
He deleted the recording and placed his phone on the bedside table. Uncomfortable as he was, he nestled down to sleep.
****
Craig left the session with Amanda with an easy, unhurried walk and a satisfied sigh. Amanda had helped to unravel his ramblings from the previous night, which included his issues with being in certain areas of his house. She had suggested a change of scenery and asked where he felt comfortable. Craig had instinctively replied, “here,” meaning the hospital, which was a surprise to them both, but something he may take advantage of in a few days to trial it.
This session had been a revelation, and he was ready to face the world. Well, the supermarket, if nothing else.
He glanced around him as he meandered through the corridors, waving to a nurse he remembered from his time there and entered the lift. As he strode for the exit, his mood lowered, and disappointment filled him instead. As the brush of fresh air caressed his face, he understood he’d been expecting to bump into Alex and was upset when he hadn’t seen him.
Frowning and clenching his jaw, he pulled out his phone.
“Hi, Mum. I was wondering if I could come and stay for a few days?”
“Of course, you can. You don’t need to ask. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I need a breather.” Craig hated lying to his mother, but it would appease her and impede any inquiring questions.
“Sure. When are you arriving?” His mother sounded happy, and he couldn’t help but smile.
“I’ll be there tonight if that’s alright?”
“Of course! Will you be here in time for dinner?” she asked.
“No, go ahead. I’ll pick up something on my way.”
“See you soon, sweetheart.”
“Bye, Mum.”
Craig sighed. Amanda would say he was running away, and he probably was. But he needed to get his brain back to fully functional before he could figure out what was happening with his feelings for Alex. He obviously had some. But what were they? Gratitude? Desire? Longing? Appreciation? Or, god forbid, love? He had no idea.
