Page 54 of Deep Down
Craig paused, not sure how to start the conversation they needed to have. “Not bad.”
Alex cocked his head, frowning. “Is everything alright?”
“I need to stop meeting with you.” Craig hadn’t meant to throw it out there straight away, but it was for the best. He watched as Alex’s expression morphed from concern to bewilderment to confusion.
“What? Why?” Craig could see a tightening around Alex’s eyes and unless he was mistaken, a flare of pain.
Craig rubbed his hands over his face before wrapping them back around the cup, needing its warmth. “I need to figure out who I am and what I want. I need to stop…being dependent on others.” Craig glanced out of the window. “I have to learn to stand on my own two feet.”
Alex didn’t say anything, and Craig glanced back at him. “And you can’t do that now?”
Craig shook his head. “I need space…to step back for a while. I’m sorry.”
He watched as Alex swallowed several times before speaking to his cup. “You don’t need to be sorry, Craig. You need to do what’s best for you.”
Alex’s voice was his doctor’s one; the tone which conveyed everything would be fine, and Alex would do what he needed to. Craig had allocated different versions of Alex to various aspects of his life. When Alex spoke of his family and friends, his voice was warmth, love and affection; about work, it was usually his doctor’s tone; and about other things was a more reserved, excitable edge.
Craig swallowed against a lump in his throat and pulled back from his cup. “I’m going to go.” He stood but paused. “I am sorry, Alex. I hope…” he hesitated, biting his lip. “Goodbye, Alex.” He pivoted to walk away.
“Craig!” He inhaled before spinning to face Alex, who was stood by their table. “Take care of yourself, Craig. I mean that.” Alex smiled softly.
Craig nodded once and marched towards the exit as quickly as he could, afraid he’d swing around and go back to Alex. And he couldn’t do that.
****
Returning home after visiting a client at their workplace, Craig found one of his brothers’ cars outside his house. He hadn’t been expecting anyone, but he could be the solution to Craig’s sombre mood, depending on why he was there, that is.
He entered the house, expecting to find Aaron sat on his sofa watching TV, but the living room was suspiciously empty. He’d been out of the house for a total of five hours, what trouble could he get into in that time?
“Aaron?”
“In here!” Aaron’s voice called back from the direction of his office.
Frowning, he stalked down the hall, freezing when he entered. He gazed around, eyebrows raised. Instead of his usual white walls, he saw splashes of green and blue in the natural light of his open curtains—he usually kept them shut and relied on his lamps. His desk had been moved closer to the window and shelving had been built and stacked against the walls.
“What’s going on?” He glanced at Aaron and Brandon next to him. Double trouble.
Brandon got a sheepish expression on his face. “I thought you might like someplace different to work in.”
Aaron grinned. “It was a slightly sterile environment you had before.”
Brandon smacked Aaron on the shoulder. “Shut up, asshole.”
Aaron appeared affronted. “What was that for?”
“We’re supposed to be supportive, not complaining.”
Craig smiled as they continued bickering back and forth. He waited them out, and eventually, Brandon seemed to remember Craig was there.
“Sorry. I wanted to take away some of the memories.” Brandon inspected the floor during his confession.
Craig bit his lip. His brothers were assholes, but they were his. “Thank you.” He strode over to them, giving Aaron a man-hug and wrapping his arms around Brandon. “Thank you,” he said again, this time with feeling into Brandon’s ear.
He pulled back, discreetly wiping his face and shifted to survey the room again. “Do you even know what a website designer needs in an office?”
“Fuck! I never thought of that. If it’s wrong, we can—” Brandon stared when Craig burst out laughing, interrupting him. “What?”
“You’re an idiot!”
