Page 40 of Waiting For Ever
“Save our seats,” Sydney, Noah’s sister and the oldest of the group, calls as they dash down to the beach, phones in hand.
“Such a sweet big bro.” Lilly sweeps the back of her index finger along Noah’s cheek.
He captures her hand and kisses it, still watching the sisters pose.
The automatic gesture has me glancing sideways at the quiet figure to my left. When I do, hungry blue eyes lock on mine. I might not haveas much experience, but I can read that look like it’s spoken out loud. And the pull is like gravity. My head leans into that look. His hand reaches for mine.
“You guys want a photo of the four of you, commemorating opening day?” Shelley asks, pulling me out of the trance.
I surprise myself by speaking up first and passing my phone to her before anyone else. “Allie will love it.”I’ll love it.Why can I not admit that to myself? Admitting you need someone or love someone means it can wreck you if you lose them. It’s why I don’t begrudge my mom’s absence from my life. Losing my dad didn’t change the day to day for me and Via, except for seeing our mom broken down. But my mom lost her person. Tears sprang to my eyes at the thought of ever losing Julian permanently—and he wasn’t even mine to lose. I shake my head to clear the trajectory of my thoughts.
“How’s her trip going anyway?” Pete asks as Shelley gestures to us to scrunch closer together for the picture.
“Good,” Julian and I answer at the same time.
Shit!We even sound like a couple.
Julian chuckles before he elaborates. “She says she’s learning a lot and is excited to offer more features at Fit.”
“Yeah, when she checked in with me a couple days ago, she sounded like she was loving it—especially the weather,” I add. “Who knew the small-town girl was going to love Southern California?”
“You couldn’t pay me enough to live in Southern California. Too many people,” Lilly spouts loudly to the group.
One by one everyone chimes in agreeing with her—except the little sisters, who all declare they plan to go to college down there. An enthusiastic debate ensues, prompting varying opinions from theirolder siblings and even Pete and Shelley, who got to close Brew early and join us because, surprisingly, no campers need food tonight.
I don’t weigh in and instead stare into the growing darkness, watching the color die on the water, turning it to black. I feel Julian’s touch, small and unnoticed by everyone else.
He locks pinkies with me and leans his head over until I can feel his breath on my ear. “What’s going on in there, Ever?” He speaks so low, no one would hear over thebest collegesdiscussion.
“Hmm?” I play dumb. “Just enjoying the view.”
“Mmm.” He mimics my response. With a little squeeze of my pinkie, he drops his hand back into his lap but doesn’t push me on it.
I force thoughts of college and the future from my mind, to be present in my new life, with these incredible people I consider my friends. It’s been amazingly easy to immerse myself in life at Blue Lake. The place, the work, the beauty of it all and the relationships I’m making. For the first time, I feel like I truly belong. Like people see me and get me. And like me—for me. But if I pull back the lens a bit, what am I doing? Am I just going to hide out here in Blue Lake forever? Work at the gym and the café, tend to campers every season? Be a small-town girl, content with small-town life? I mean I could become a writer anywhere, any time. I don’t even need a degree to do it. But learning, being in a classroom, it gives me all the feels. There was a time not so long ago I couldn’t wait to get to a big campus and disappear among the throngs of students. Now all I want to do is work out andplayhousewith this magnetic man next to me. Am I selling out for the first guy to ever pay attention to me? I don’t want to believe that. Ilove my life here. Maybe dreams have a way of changing over time. We grow up and life changes us—our desires, goals, dreams.
Could I be content to learn online?
Online high school was one thing. It stopped being challenging anyway. The assignments were beyond easy and, because of that, the instructor let me grind out the rest of my assignments and turn them all in at once. I’m now technically and quietly a high school graduate. I didn’t tell anyone—not even Via. I just did it. I appreciate the efficiency of getting my diploma through remote learning. But college? Part of the allure is going away and having the college experience. I’m not one for rushing sororities or anything, but there was a time in the recent past where I couldn’t wait to study in those gorgeous libraries, sit in lecture halls, listen to thought-provoking discussions, expand my knowledge of and gain insight on the world around me. Maybe I’m more like my mom than I like to think and have a little wanderlust of my own.
“Well, if you’re sure you can handle locking up, we’ll get out of here.” So much for dialing down my thoughts of the future. I zero back in on Pete and Shelley saying their goodbyes and Julian standing, shaking hands with Pete and assuring him he’d take care of everything.
“Come on, boys, time to go.” Shelley gathers items strewn about by her “gremlins,” as she calls them, while saying goodbye to all of us and inviting us to have café breakfast with them before work tomorrow. They kind of declare themselves our unofficial parents, although I guess they’re only ten or fifteen years older than us.
As they herd their boys toward the parking lot and their vehicle, Julian asks Noah to help him lock up. When they walk away, Lillypounces. “Girl, what’s going on with you? You’re so quiet. Tell Auntie Lilly what’s going on.”
“Eww, it creeps me out when you call yourself that. I’m technically older than you are anyway. And I’m good. Just got in my head about the future. All the college talk. I had it all planned out until I came here. I guess I’m feeling a little lost. But on the other hand, nothing in my life has ever felt more like home than this place feels right now. I’m just in my feels right now. Ignore me.”
“Well, this place has a way of doing that to people. My advice—I know you didn’t ask, but when has that ever stopped me?”
I arch an eyebrow and wait for her to continue.
“Don’t overthink it. Things have a way of working out the way they’re supposed to. And maybe for the first time in your life, you’re not supposed to have it all figured out, planned, scheduled.” She shrugs her shoulders with her hands out on either side. “Except for breakfast. Don’t be late or there won’t be any left.” With that, she hugs me and kisses me on my cheek. “Love you, Davis. I’m glad you’re here. See you tomorrow.”
“Night, Lilly. Thanks.”
“You can repay me with tea. I’m gonna want details.” She smirks and blows me a kiss as she spins toward the parking lot where Noah waits by his truck.
After she turns to go, I stand, hugging myself, staring at the blackness of the lake, the chirp of crickets competing with the muted voices of settling campers. I remain contemplative after the debate over best college towns. I’ve mostly put all thoughts of my future out of my mind when I moved here. I only applied to a few schools—all in California and mostly down south. I didn’t even know if I got into any.The letters would’ve come to Oak Valley. And since arriving, I’ve been too preoccupied with my new life (and roommate) to worry about any of it. Part of me wants to freeze time and let it always stay this simple and peaceful. Logical me knew it couldn’t.
