Page 65 of Silver Fox's Christmas Scandal
The statement was arrogant and presumptuous and completely outside the bounds of our complicated arrangement.
It was also exactly what some desperate part of me had been longing to hear, even as my rational mind recoiled from the implications.
"I need you to leave," I said, pulling away from him despite every instinct screaming at me to stay close.
He sat up, confusion and hurt flickering across his features. "Tessa?—"
"Please. I need to think, and I can't do that with you here."
My heart felt like it was having a seizure.
The amount of adrenaline suddenly pumping into my body was unhealthy.
I felt nauseous and lightheaded, angry and terrified. And at the same time, I wanted to thrust myself into his arms and say yes.
But how? And why? And what would Blake and Elena say?
He dressed slowly and he never looked at me once while he was doing it.
I felt horrible and justified in the same breath, but confusion won out. I couldn't just cower and do what he wanted. I had to do what was right for me, even if it meant upsetting him.
Before he walked away, he leaned over me, resting one hand on either side of me on the back of the couch. "This isn't over," he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead that felt more like a promise than a goodbye. "I know you need time to think, but I don't. I've been thinking about it every single day since I saw that page open on your laptop on the plane. I want to do this for you, Tessa. Don't say no to me."
I let my head drop and he got the message. Before the door had even shut, tears were welling up in my eyes.
I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride from Hell. We were on fire, then we were crashing and burning.
Then we were nothing, and now he wanted me to have his baby? To say I was confused was an understatement.
18
LUCIAN
I stared at the contract spread across my desk, but the words blurred together as my mind replayed last night's conversation with Tessa.
The memory of her stunned expression when I'd demanded she get pregnant with me instead of some anonymous donor made my chest tight with regret.
What the heck had I been thinking?
The proposition had emerged from raw jealousy rather than rational planning, and now I was left wondering if I'd destroyed whatever fragile connection we'd managed to preserve.
But beneath the regret, I was surprised to realize that the idea of her saying yes to my proposition tugged at my heart more strongly than I thought.
The idea of Tessa carrying my child terrified me because of what my children might say and what Viktoria might do. But I wanted it more desperately every time I thought about it.
Not just because it would eliminate the donor option that made me want to put my fist through walls, but because I could picture it so clearly.
Her body changing as our baby grew, her looking up at me with proud smiles and my chance to show this world I wasn't a complete screw-up.
I was in love with her.
I'd come to that conclusion weeks ago after telling myself for months this was physical attraction simply because of proximity, but lying to myself had become impossible.
I loved her intelligence, her resilience, the way she saw through my children's hostility to offer genuine insights about healing my fractured relationships.
I loved her ambition and her independence, even when that independence included plans that made me insane with jealousy.
But admitting love meant admitting vulnerability, and I'd built my entire adult life on the principle that emotional weakness led to catastrophic loss.
