Page 77 of Silent Count
Neither of us speaks until we pull up to his house.
“I’m sorry about that. I just … my dad has been nominated for the US Supreme Court, and he needed to discuss some things with me.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Wow, Bo. That’s huge. Like, really huge.”
“Yeah, I know. It, uh, comes with a lot of pressure for the family too.” He looks out the window. “Please don’t say anything to anyone in the house yet. I really don’t want to talk about it anymore today.”
I nod, but I have a feeling there’s more to it. “Yeah, of course.”
I don’t wait for him to say anything else. I unbuckle and get out of the car and go into the house.
Noelle and Brooke are in the kitchen when I walk in, laughing and making a mess that Casey will no doubt clean up. They both turn when they hear the door open, and I see Casey and Silas look over from the couch.
“Hey, Chels! How was meet the family?” Noelle smiles at me like she’s actually excited to hear about it.
“It was fine. I’m gonna go change out of these clothes though.”
I hook a thumb over my shoulder and walk to Bo’s room. I keep a few things over here for when I stay the night, so I grab a pair of lounge pants from the dresser and a T-shirt. I toss my crossbody on the bed and quickly undress. Just as I pull the shirt over my head, Bo walks in and shuts the door behind him.
“Chelsea …” He stands, leaning against the door. “We need to talk.”
Nope. No, I don’t want to do this right now.
“Bo, I don’t feel like this is a good time to talk about anything important. Our friends are right outside the door. Maybe I should just go back to my place tonight. I’m not really hungry anymore anyway.”
“Why would you go home? I just want to talk to you about a few things.” He sounds tired more than upset.
“Bo …” I sit down on the bed and let out a heavy sigh. “What? What do you want to talk about that can’t wait?”
“Why didn’t your dad take care of you and your sister after your mom died?” He pushes off the door and walks toward me slowly.
“I think you already know the answer to your question.” I look down and start to bite on the inside of my lip.
“But I want to hear your story from you.” He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t understand why you won’t tell me. You know I love you. Nothing you tell me could change that.”
I bark out a laugh. “Okay, if that’s true, why does it really matter why my dad didn’t take care of us? Is this what you were talking to your dad about upstairs, or was he really nominated for the Supreme Court?” I gasp. “Oh my God. I get it. He doesn’t want you to be with me.”
“Chelsea, baby, I want you to trust me enough to tell me everything. And the problem is, I don’t think you do, and I’m trying to figure out why you haven’t told me. I suspected there was more than what you were sharing. Sure, you’ve given me pieces, but not the whole story. And I’ve been patient, and I haven’t pushed. I wanted you to talk to me and tell me more when you felt ready. But things are changing, and I think the time to lay it all out has come.”
He kneels down in front of me and tries to take my hands, but I pull them away.
“You want to know why? Okay, I’ll tell you what you clearly already know. Paint you a pretty picture so you can see just how fucked up my life was.” I look him in the eye. “My father and my mother were not good people, Bo. They were addicts, alcoholics, and abusive to each other mostly, but also to me andmy sister. We didn’t have birthday parties and vacations and private schools like you did. We didn’t have parents who loved us and wanted to make sure we were fed and tucked in safely at night. I had to grow up a lot faster than you did because I didn’t have a choice. I needed to survive, and I needed to keep my sister alive. And unfortunately, we have a very failed legal system, and no one ever saved us.”
I cross my arms over my chest. If I could protect my heart, my past, and all my secrets with that one simple motion, I would. But this is my truth, and he wants it. He’s been asking for months to really know me, to see every part of me I keep hidden. And now he’s getting it. I just hope it’s not too much … that the weight of who I am doesn’t scare him away.
“The night my father killed my mother started out the same as all the others. They were drunk or high or a combination of both. They fought, I took my sister to our room, and then he left. I’m not sure how long he was gone because my sister and I fell asleep. But when they started fighting, I knew something was really wrong. On bad nights like that, I would take my sister into our closet, and we would hide there until our parents stopped fighting or passed out. Except it didn’t stop. We heard a bang, then yelling, then another set of banging. My sister and I sat in that closet and listened to our father kill our mother, and we couldn’t do anything about it.”
I stand and start pacing the room, the memories rushing back so vividly that they almost knock me off-balance. I can smell the mildewed carpet and the walls, thick with the permanent residue of nicotine and anger.
“My sister peed in her pants while I was holding her in my arms. I know now that we were both in shock, but we stayed in that closet until the police came. I couldn’t move, and I was terrified of walking out of our room and seeing what had happened, even though I knew it in my gut.” I stop and lookat him. “Even after the police got there, they had to physically remove us from the closet and practically pry my sister from my arms. I didn’t trust anyone because … no one ever saved us.”
Bo stands and tries to reach for me. “Chelsea, I’m so sorry that happened to you. Truly. I can’t imagine.”
“No, Bo, you can’t. And I wouldn’t want to wish what we went through on anyone.” I walk over to his dresser and lift up the picture of his family. “See this? You had a perfect life. And believe me, I’m glad you did. But most people, Bo, aren’t as fortunate as you are. Most families have deep, dark, dirty, and very ugly secrets. Unfortunately for me, mine was all over the news for a long time. Thankfully, my and my sister’s identities were concealed since we were minors. But people knew anyway and always looked at us just a little different. With judgment and pity.”
“I would never judge you by your past, and I think you know that. And I hate that you went through all of that. I wish I could erase it all.”
“But you can’t, Bo. It’s part of my story, and it has shaped who I am as a person. In some twisted way, I’m almost glad that it all happened because my aunt got us. We were saved by her because of a terrible act of violence between two people who’d had no business having children at all. They were consumed by each other, by their addictions. And that, Bo, is terrifying to me. That you can lose yourself so much in someone else.”
