Page 36 of Never Stop
I scoff at him and throw a scowl his way, "If by a tough nut to crack you mean the most headstrong, stubborn ass woman I've ever met in my life, then yes, I know well that she's a tough nut to crack." I want to add so much more.
She's also the only person who ever set my soul on fire, and since she left my life, I haven't been the same. Although I'm still bitter, I miss her so fucking much. I pull my hat off, run a hand through my hair, and place my hat back on. Then I pull some cash from my wallet and put it on the table.
"Just get her meal on me, but don't tell her because I doubt she'll accept it."
Before I can pull myself to stand, he asks, "What's the story there?" His tone isn't judgmental. He sounds and seems genuinely concerned.
I arch my brows at Maverick. Now I'm the one confused.
"I thought you said the girls told you the story. " My annoyance is evident in my voice.
He laughs. "Them? Nah, man, those two don't dish out much information regarding Via. All I know about you and Via is that she's only ever loved one guy. Izzy is always on her ass to put herself out there and try again, but she always refuses. They've never actually given details." He lets out a small, awkward laugh again, "This is the closest we've ever gotten her to going on a date. I may not be the smartest fucker out there, but I could tell by the way you both just locked eyes. . . that you'rethe guy."
'She's only ever loved one guy.'
The words repeat themself over and over again in my head. The reality of that pierces me. She pushed me away. Shepromised me forever, and then our worlds blew up in flames, especially hers.
I tried.
I fucking tried. She didn't let me. I never got over that.
Hell, I'll never get overher.
I get lost in my thoughts for a bit, and Maverick brings that to an abrupt stop when he presses, "So, what's the story?"
I sigh. I work with the guy, and he's one of my closest friends on the job. He's persistent as fuck. It's a little annoying, but he means well. He won't stop until he gets an answer. I'm not escaping this conversation either way, but fuck, I don't want to have it. I damn sure would rather have it here than at work with others peering in, though.
"You know about her parents and sister?" I ask reluctantly.
"Yeah," he says with a nod.
"It was her eighteenth birthday. I convinced her to run off with me to the island. Her parents and sister went looking for her because she was supposed to be at Izzy's house. They got in an accident while searching. Had I not gotten her to leave with me, the accident may have never happened. They may all still be here. I still blame myself. She completely cut me off and made me promise to leave her alone and never try to see her again. So, it wasn't hard to assume she blamed me, too."
Maverick doesn't miss a beat before speaking, "Damn, bro, that's heavy, but that's not on you or her."
Saying the words out loud is reopening the wound that I thought was finally healing, and it's when the ache in my chest becomes unbearable that I decide that I can't be here another second.
What the fuck was I thinking that a blind date was a good idea. I should have known better. Just when I think I'm okay, there's always some reminder of her to prove to me that I'm just getting better at playing fucking pretend.
I've tried dating again. My heart and head are never in it; I think they'll always be tied up with what I lost and can't have.
My sister Abbie convinced me to try a stupid dating app. I met Jessica a week after signing up. I never put a title on it, as I wasn't interested in that with her. We would hook up every so often. It was fine while it lasted, but she couldn't fill the void.
She wanted more, but I didn't. It was evident when we started that it was just sex. I don't understand women that think they can fuck their way to a guy's heart. Jessica acted as if having no chemistry other than sexual chemistry was irrelevant and didn't matter as long as the sex was good; she kept hope that things could evolve. That's not how it works, at least not for me. At one point, she told my family we were together. That was an awkward conversation and, ultimately, why I walked away.
I stand to leave. Maverick stands, too. The look on his face shows me that he's still trying to process everything I just unleashed on him. I put a hand out to shake his, and he accepts it and pulls me into a short-lived hug as he pats my back.
I turn to walk away, but I look back at him before I do.
"I only loved one girl, too. Tell her I'm sorry that I broke her promise. I never want to hurt her."
With that, I leave and don't look back.
Chapter fifteen
Via
Istop walking. I stop thinking. I stop breathing.
