Page 58 of Never Stop
"I knew my life was changing in more ways than I could have fathomed. I was changing at the hands of grief. I knew you would drop everythingfor me. I couldn't let you. You deserved every ounce of happiness that you gave. I couldn't do that; everything in my life always went wrong. I had convinced myself thatIwas the black cloud. I felt that if I truly loved you, which I did, I would want you to be happy. I knew I wasn't capable of happiness at that time. I felt that if I loved you, I had to let you go."
By the time I finish, my heart is beating as loudly and hard as the drumbeat of an eighties metal band. My breath is rigid, and my hands begin to shake slightly. I feel naked, like I just laid it all out on the line and bared myself to him. Although I left out vital parts I knew I couldn't share with him, the feelings I'd just expressed were very much real.
We sit in comfortable silence for a while. His face danced with contemplation as he processed everything I had just thrown at him. After a beat, he scooted closer to me and reached for both of my hands, pulling me into him.
I take a moment to relish in his rough yet gentle touch coursing on my skin as the pad of his fingers runs up and down my arms.
"Hmm, I did always appreciate Kahlil Gibran's philosophy on that," he says curtly, with a smile and a soft chuckle.
Confusion crawls through my bones. I'm unsure how to read him at this moment.
Did my somewhat confession push him away at the exact time when I decided to let go of fear and attempt to give this a real shot? Did he finally realize that I am indeed a lost cause?
I pull back softly, letting our eyes meet only briefly. His eyes hold confidence. Whereas I'm sure I look like a damn deer in headlights.
"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."
Poetry. He's quoting fucking poetry right now. Of course, he is.
I silently repeat it back to myself.
If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.
My eyes grow wide, and it's my turn to process what he's trying to say and where he is going with this.
"Rosie," his hand rests on my chin, and I tilt my head back up to face his while his thumb pads around in soft circles.
"Hmm," I hum breathlessly. Our faces are so close that I can almost taste him.
"You could push me away a million times," he pauses. "But, please don't," he lets out a small uncomfortable laugh before continuing, "I would still never give up hope. I may have tried to move on, but I never actuallydid.You've had my heart since before I knew what love even was. You came running in that field," he pointed to the window toward the field below us where we first met. "From that moment on, at eight years old, you captivated me. I have been entranced by you ever since. All of the ridiculous adventures you'd try to kill me with—"
I can't help but let out a laugh at that one.
"That's a bit dramatic." I attempt to sound serious but fail.
He arches his eyebrows at me as if saying 'you know it's true'. I giggle a little more. There was another short silence between us before he continued.
"The way you take in the world; How you've been given every reason under the sun to be a total pessimist, but somehow you're still able to see the good in the world— it radiates from you. It always has. It absolutely fascinates me.Youfascinate me. I've spent my years trying to move on from you. I've even tried to forget you," he lets out a harsh fake laugh, "That was a huge joke."
His hands make their way up and cradle my face as he brings me in even closer to him, leaving no room for the air to pass between our bodies.
"You have always been and will always bethe onefor me.You are for me, just as I am for you.There's no amount of time in the world that could ever change that." He speaks with such confidence, and the rhythm of my heart goes hysterical as the heat between my legs is set ablaze.
I can't fight this anymore. I've spent, no, wasted, years of my life trying to avoid and forget the one man who's ever truly seenme—the man who ignites my soul.
Before I get a chance to think of the words I'd like to say, he dips his head down, and with a crashing force, he takes my mouth with his and my breath along with it. I waste no time deepening the kiss. My tongue slides past my lips and parts his. In return, he wastes no time pulling me on top of him until I'm straddling his lap. He runs one of his hands up and down my back as the other tugs forcefully through my hair.
Ander pulls back, releasing me from our kiss. My eyes stay closed for a second longer while I try to catch my breath. I could get lost in his taste for days. He pulls me close to him. After a while of comfortable silence, I rested my head on his chest as he combed his fingers through my hair.
"Is this the end of the adventure?" I ask softly into his chest, instantly regretting breaking the silence with that awkward question.
I can feel the rumble of his laugh through his chest as he leans down and kisses my forehead.
"No, Rosie, it's just the beginning."
I lean up and look into his eyes as I run a hand on the back of his neck. I can't stop—and don't want to—the smile spreading on my face.
"Oh yeah, is that so?"
