Page 3 of Kiss My Crown
The first little girl walks in and it’s showtime.
The kids aren’t that bad. At least for me. Melanie is a whole different story. For me they are sweet and happy. It’s honestly the best part of this stupid job.
My last family walks in, and I talk to the little girl for a few minutes before it’s picture time. The dad stands next to me and his hand is way too south of my hips. This is the worst part. You can’t do anything without causing a scene.
“If you have a case of jungle fever, I’m a doctor. You should let me give you a full body examination,” his slimy voice slithers in my ear.
Really? He had one shot to deliver a line and he went with that?
“I’m good, but if you’re into bestiality, I hear the fur characters are total freaks.” I sweetly smile at him as his smirk turns into a scowl.
He grabs his wife’s and daughter’s hands as they walk out of the tent.
I. Hate. Men.
***
“I need sex. Like really good, fun, revenge sex.” Pulling the straightener through my hair, I give myself one last look in the mirror.
“Seriously?” Melanie looks over at me like I’m an alien. “Why would you just want to jump into some random guy’s bed?”
“So that my orgasm could momentarily distract me from my train wreck of a life.”
“Well, my mom always told me that no one will ever buy the cow if you give the milk away for free.”
I love Melanie, but she is such a goody two-shoes sometimes. Which is actually really ironic considering she’s the evil queen.
“Listen. Chill out. I don’t want anyone to buy my cow right now. I don’t even want to give some random guy my milk.” I side-glance over at her. “Maybe I just want him to play with my udders a little bit.”
“Ew!” Her face twists in disgust and I can’t help but laugh. “You’re disgusting.”
“Yeah, but you love me anyway.” I give her a hug before grabbing my purse and walking to the door. “Come on, slut, I need to bag me a decent-sized penis.”
“Kate!”
I don’t look back at her and just continue to laugh. It’s so easy to get a rise out of her. I barely need to try anymore.
The bar we head to is a smaller place, but it’s one of my favorites because the drinks are cheap. If they weren’t, I could definitely not afford the amount of alcohol in my system right now.
I slam my hand on the bar out of frustration.“I’m a princess. A fucking princess. I’m at the top of the damn theme parkery hierarchy!”
“Theme parkery?” Melanie arches one of her eyebrows at me.
“Don’t correct my grammar when I’m drunk. Only assholes do that.” I hop off the barstool. “I need to pee.”
On the way to the bathroom a guy steps in front of me. Even through my fuzzy vision I can tell he is way too pretty to give me a good time tonight. “Hey there, girl. Can I get some of that cake?”
“Cake?” I am so damn hungry my mouth starts salivating. “There’s cake?” I’m looking around frantically like one of the idiots in the horror movies when they should just be running.
He laughs. “Not that kind of cake.”
As he winks at me my delayed brain connects the dots. “Are you trying to turn my favorite dessert into something sexual?” My face scrunches with disgust and disappointment that there really isn’t any cake.
“It’s a common saying. All the rappers are using it.” He nods at me like I’m one of his bros who just did a pull-up.
“Oh okay, well, as you can see my jeans aren’t showing off my ass, I have no bling hanging from my neck, and I’m not drinking out of a pimp cup. Not only that, but you aren’t Lil’ Wayne.” I move to walk past him before spinning to face him again. “Last, I love cake too much to listen to you talk about it like that.”
Since when is my vagina referred to as cake?
