Page 6 of Kiss My Crown
Seriously? I grab my wallet and pull some cash out of it.
“You want to come over and watch a movie or something?” He looks over at me as he hands the waitress the check and money.
You going to charge me admission?
“Sure.” As much as his very presence is annoying me right now I could really use a distraction.
He smiles and starts to walk out of the diner and back to his car. I follow, hoping that he is at least worth the effort of not telling him he’s a cheap, no-manners-having idiot. When you ask a girl to go eat with you, you pay. It isn’t like we were at a fifty dollar a plate restaurant. Hopefully he makes it all worth my while.
We don’t really talk much in the car, the awkwardness of the imminent booty call looming over us. The radio is on and I swear every baby making song ever is being played. It’s like a sign that it’s okay for me to act like a slut tonight. I can’t help but laugh at myself. I’m so not that girl, but right now I just want to forget about Jeremy. I tried alcohol and that didn’t do much. Maybe getting under a new guy will help me get over the old one. When we pull up to his apartment I have a moment of panic where I don’t know if I can go through with this.
Walking through the door, I look around, pleasantly surprised that it isn’t a complete pigsty. I think with every girl there is that moment of panic when the apartment door opens and you don’t know what you’ll be walking into.
“Gimme one second. Make yourself comfortable.” He drops his keys on the counter before walking down the hallway.
I sit on the couch, biting my lip in nervousness.Just calm down. It’s just sex, not marriage.
After a few minutes I become concerned with what the hell he could be doing. That’s when out of nowhere music starts to play. I immediately recognize the song as “Pony.” What the hell is going on?
Chris steps out from the hallway, shirtless and with a cowboy hat on. Holy crap. He starts to dance slowly, rolling his body and moving to the beat. When he looks up at me he smirks.
Don’t laugh.
Pelvic thrust.
Don’t laugh.
Oh God, he’s humping the floor.
Don’t laugh.
Now his belt is a lasso?
I lose the battle with myself and collapse in complete hysterics. I’m laughing so hard that there is no sound coming out. Without another word I grab my purse and stumble out the door. This shit is too ridiculous. Maybe I should just stick to alcohol.
I pull up my Uber app and pray that the driver gets here quick. I swear nothing goes right for me. I can’t even have a normal one-night stand. No, I get a fake-ass western Channing Tatum.
I’d probably be better just going home, putting Magic Mike on repeat and hanging out with my B.O.B. The car shows up and I get in, praying that I don’t see Chris at work for a very long time. I doubt I could see him and not remember all the gyrating.
The ride to my place is fast and I walk in to see Melanie sitting on the couch. “You’re back quick,” she says with a laugh.
“Um, yeah. Totally didn’t happen. When we got to the apartment he broke out into the cheesiest rendition of ‘Pony’ ever.” I plop down on the couch, completely frustrated.
“Shut up.” She mutes the TV, ready to give me her full attention.
“Yup. Cowboy hat and peen grinding included.”
She starts laughing as I sit here thinking of how pathetic I’ve become.
I’m so desperate that I almost slept with him tonight.
“Maybe you should quit your quest for rebound sex. You’ve struck out two nights in a row.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. At this point I’m just gonna go take care of myself.” I stand up and walk toward my room.
“Really, Kate? I so did not need to know that!”
“Just thought I’d warn you to grab your headphones or something. You can be sure that I at least know how to do it.” I wink at her.
