Page 80 of Playing for Possession
He stepped down from the stage. “We’re about to go on, honey. Let’s talk later.” He groaned and rubbed the base of his spine. “These coffins need more padding. I suppose they aren’t designed with comfort in mind.”
I checked no one was in earshot and lowered my voice. “Did you make a deal with Kieran?”
“What?”
“If he did the commercial and if he was nice to me then you’d get him back on the England squad?”
Dad winced. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Drop the act. You’re a terrible liar.“Why would you do that?”
Dad brushed down his black velvet trousers. “He told you about it?”
“Ollie told me.”
Dad shook his head. “Of course he did.”
“How could you do that?”
“It wasn’t a big thing. I know what these footballers are like, princess. He’s not good for you, and I knew he’d try it on. I was trying to protect you. I told him to keep his hands to himself and make sure you were happy and safe, that’s all. It was harmless.”
Keep his hands to himself? Did he even realize how weird that was? I threw another glance over my shoulder to make sure no one was listening. “You can’t interfere in my life like that.”
“I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want to make you feel sad again. You’ve been through so much with the injury. I know you find it difficult to stay positive, but it’s important.”
“Why is it important?”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
Why can’t I just feel however I want to feel?The words died on my tongue. There was no point arguing with Dad. He didn’t listen. I could never get a word in with anyone in this family.
“I’m just trying to help, sweetheart.” He patted my arm. “Listen, I’m about to perform. I can’t be in this headspace. There are some bigwig music journos here tonight. We have to do this another time.”
Fine. I couldn’t look at him anymore. “You go and perform, Dad. What do I matter?”
He frowned. “Of course you matter.”
No, I don’t. I’m percussion. I’m just ticking over in the background. Don’t worry about me. I won’t cause any bother.
Dad’s face fell. “Don’t be like this, Joanie Jett.”
Anger churned inside me.Don’t be difficult. Be positive. Don’t cause a scene. Don’t be a burden.I fought to find the right words. This was always so difficult, but I’d stood up for myself with Fizzz and that bikini. I could do it again now.
I took a breath. “Please stop calling me that. I’ve been through so much this year, Dad. It’s changed me. You don’t get to treat me like a kid anymore. I make my own choices.”
His eyes widened. “Kieran Earnshaw is not good enough for you. I was trying to protect you.”
“You treated me like a child and humiliated me.” A horrible bitter fury dug its claws into me. “Don’t you see what you did? You gave him a challenge. Kieran broke your rules the minute I let my guard down. And I was glad of it. I’ve had the most incredible time with him, and now I know the truth, it’s ruined.”
My heart hammered and my breath came in sharp pants. “But I guess you’ll have to hold on to his England shirt. The two of us hardly left the bedroom, and I don’t regret that part. I’m not a little girl. You don’t get to make those kinds of decisions for me. You let me down, but I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s the habit of a lifetime.”
I wanted to take the words back as soon as they’d left my mouth. I’d never spoken truthfully to my dad. It was time, but still it made my stomach hurt to be the source of his deflated expression. This was his big night. I didn’t want to ruin it for him.
Dad’s shoulders slumped, and a tremor touched his lips. He opened his mouth and closed it again. “I can’t do this now, darling. I have to do the show. I have to.”
Tears welled behind my eyes. “I know you do, Dad. The show is the most important thing.”
I had to get out of here. I stumbled away and pushed through the throng of mingling guests, sidestepping groups of people engaged in lively conversation. I stepped outside into cool night air. Torches flared in the darkness. My shoulder bumped into something solid. A hand wrapped around my wrist to steady me.
