Page 1 of Mouse
CHAPTER ONE
Ingram
“How are you feeling today, Ingram?”
I sighed and walked over to the window. The pond was just beyond the horse pasture and from this third story window, the ducks floating on the outer edge looked like little tiny dots. I followed those dots as they made their way around like they were not sure where they wanted to go.
Every session started out the same.
With that very question.
And while I should have come in here with an answer prepared and waiting on the tip of my tongue, I usually had no clue how to respond.
“Okay,” I said and shook the haze from my brain as I turned to face Dr. Walsher.
The same question.
The same response.
Every time.
I kept saying that one day I was going to come in here and shake things up but it never happened. It looked like it wasn’t going to happen now either. Or ever.
It was not like I didn’t want to try or give this my all. It was more that I felt like it was such an odd way to start off these sessions. It was an odd way to start offanything. My feelings had never mattered before. In that place— back at the camp, I guess you could say, I was just a body. A mindless robot moving around and serving one person. I followed everything blindly and believed every single word because that was what I was supposed to do.
I didn’t have the taste and knowledge of the outside world like how Ky had. Even though he was still very young when they brought him there, he had an understanding that things in that place were different. Not right, even. But since I was born into it, I was completely clueless.
“This is your last session, Ingram. How do you feel about that?”
Always with the stupid feelings.
“Good,” I said with a forced smile as I took a seat on the overly used couch across from her.
“You’re leaving in three days. Are you excited about that?”
“Yes,” I said and gave a genuine smile this time.
“You’re going to live with your brother and his boyfriend, correct?”
“I am.” The excitement was clear in my tone.
I called Ky and told him I was ready to leave here. I felt like I had gotten everything I needed and was ready to start the next part of my adventure. Or my real life, as I kept thinking of it in my head. I was ready to try the whole normal-real-world thing. But I wasn’t supposed to call it that. That was one of the big things here, we weren’t supposed to look at it like we hadn’t led a normal life. We, not so simply, had a different upbringing and were working on changing our thought processes.
I didn’t want to say that it was all complete crap, because I was really grateful for everything that they had done for me here. But sometimes, it seemed a little too positive.
I honestly was really excited to get back to Ky and Chris and everyone. I was ready to be surrounded by the feeling that I had when I was there. Though I was clearly different, no one treated me so. I realized all the strain and weirdness that I felt had been there because I put it there.
I didn’t hate this place, not by a long shot. I had grown. I had learned a lot of things. I had made friends and said goodbye to some, as well. I had found myself in a big way. I was ready to face the next phase in my life and I was ready to make a place for myself and Chry.
“They have been very supportive while you’ve been here.” She said it like a statement but I knew that she wanted me to feed off of it and talk more.
“They have. Ky and Chris have been wonderful. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them.”
I told Ky I wanted to surprise Chris with my return home. I loved Chris just as much as I loved my brother. He had been so great from the moment I showed up at the club’s place lost and looking for Ky. My poor brother didn’t know what to do with me and I think if Chris hadn’t stepped up and offered for my brother and me to stay at his place, Ky would have gone crazy trying to figure out what to do.
Ky said he would handle everything and I trusted him to do that. I was a little nervous not knowing the details though.
He had quite simply told me to ‘just show up.’
