Page 190 of Ruptured
“As Ember,” she said softly. “That’s who I want to be to you.”
“That’s something you couldn’t ever be if you don’t want your life to blow up around you. At least, not in the foreseeable future.”
“I can find another job.” She shifted uncomfortably. “No one has even been as kind to me as you were that night in the restaurant.”
“Then you’ve been hanging around some shitty motherfuckers.”
Her giggle removed some of her sadness, but the moment passed too soon. “Diesel is included in that bunch.”
“Shocking,” CJ said, the word more biting than he intended. “I love my brother, but he isn’t…” What? Fuck,what? Sane? Kind? Worthy, especially of Rebel? “Diesel is a lot, Ember.”
“Are you?”
“I honestly don’t know what I am, but I know what I’m not. At the moment, I don’t want to use you or any girl just for sex.”
“A-at the moment?”
“Diesel wasn’t always a manwhore. Either that side lurked just below the surface and escaped at a certain point, or something happened that released the beast.”
“You aren’t like that—”
“That’s just the point, bae. I don’t knowme. Here and now? I want…I want…”Harley.
She’d been a part of his future for so long, he still couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else.
It didn’t matter how much he missed Molly or how he’d give anything to see her again, it was still Harley he wanted most of all.
“It doesn’t matter. The point is my dick would be fully engaged, but not my heart and I don’t know if I could even talk to you again.”
“I understand,” she whispered, her nose reddening and her eyes watery. “I just wish it was different.”
“Me, too. I’m the last virgin amongst the cousins my age. Give it a few months and I’ll be the butt of their jokes,” he said grimly.
“I’m always here.”
“I know.” He thumbed the wetness on her cheeks, wondering when all the tears and pain would stop. “I didn’t come to hurtyour feelings, Ember,” he whispered, brushing hair behind her ear. “I think you’re so fucking amazing and beautiful. You’re just not for me.”
The foundation his parents had set, the way Dad fostered how to treat a girl because of the way he’d always idolized Mom, wove into CJ’s soul. Dad’s genuine care and concern toward her made everything better not only for Mom but for all of them.
One thing she loved was dancing, especially with Dad, when she convinced him to do so to a romantic song. Mom taught Diesel, CJ, and Rule how to dance to slow songs, and Dad had taught Reb.
CJ wanted to go to the hospital, but he didn’t want to leave Ember so sad. He’d made his decision and it was final. “Do you like old songs?”
She nodded.
“Lolly loves them,” he said, not bothering to explain who that was. Maybe, she already knew since Harley had been in her class, too. “This is one of her favorites.”
Pulling upJust to be Close to Youby the Commodores on his phone, he pressed play, got to his feet, and held out his hand.
Meeting his gaze, she smiled softly and placed her hand in his. She stood and stepped into his arms.
He kissed her forehead. “Follow my lead and just enjoy the song.”
“Okay,” she murmured, laying her head on his chest.
His sudden erection was regrettable, but shewaspretty and he’d never forget her mouth on him.
Unfortunately, the pain of careless disregard of someone’s emotions also lived in his memory.
