Page 118 of When We Were Us
“But Idon't,” she cries out as a sob racks her body while I hold her.
I pull back slightly and dip my head to look in her eyes, pushing her hair back with one hand. “Why not?”
“Because Ihaveto go back to California, Hank.” A fist tightens around my heart. “I have to figure things out with Derek and my half of the business. I have my things and a condo to go through, and I can’t do that from here.” She hiccups and swallows as silent tears fall down her beautiful face. It shreds my heart.
“I get it. There’s a lot to do, to sort out,” I say, trying to calm her down while also trying to stay calm myself because I don’t want to get my hopes up. “But you don’t have to figure it all out at once, and you don’t have to do it alone. Let me help you.”
“You’re too good to me, Hank.” She sniffs again when I pull her back into me. “None of this is your responsibility and you’re just…”
“I’m just what?”
“So understanding and confident that everything will all work out. Meanwhile, my life is a mess, and I’ve pulled you into it and brought all this drama into your life.”
“Stop.” She is my life. She always has been. Her absence became my life. I wore it like a suit. And I got really good at lying to myself about that.
“No, Hank, I’m serious. You were fine before I came back here. You had a life that didn’t include worrying about cheating exes and ruined businesses. Now, I’ve got you fixing my house. Who does that?”
Her words are like daggers to my heart. I can feel her slipping away from me and I feel frantic to stop it.
“Listen to me.” I take her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. “I’m understanding because I—” God, this is terrifying. The implications of her rejecting me after what I’m about to say are staggering, but I have to get the words out.
“Iwasn’tfine before you came back, Wrenley. Far fucking from it.” I know my next words could push her right out the door, but I have to say them. “I want you. All of you. If that comes with crazy, asshole exes and broken businesses, then I want it. I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember. But I am the furthest thing from confident in everything working out.” I scrub my hand down my mouth.
“But you?—”
“I’m not finished,” I say, silencing her. “I can’t be the one to make you want this. I want you to, and I hope to Christ that you do, butyouhave to choose it.”
“But wouldn’t it be easier for you if I just left?”
“I would still be here, miserable as fuck. Easy isn’t the point.”
“Maybe if I left you could?—”
“What? Move on?” I give a mirthless laugh, throwing my arms out wide in the darkness. “You’re not hearing me, Wrenley. Don’t you think if I could have moved on, I would have? Don’t you think If I could have stoppedlovingyou, I would have?” My voice cracks with pain and something like bitterness before turning anguished.
“Jesus, Wren, it's been seventeen years. Don’t you think that would be enough time to stop loving you if I could? If it were even remotely possible?” I’m breathless and my chest aches as I gaze at her.
She closes her eyes, and a single tear runs down her cheek, dripping onto my jacket. But I don’t stop.
“God, I would, Wren. I would stop. Just to put myself out of my misery. Fuck, how I’ve tried to forget you. To get over you. But, baby…” I pull her back into my arms, forcing her to meet my eyes again. “Back when we wereus? It was everything. For seventeen years, I’ve done nothing but exist. And, Jesus, Wren, I’m so tired. I’m sofuckingtired of living in the world you left.”
She breaks down as she wraps her arms around my neck. She cries into my shirt, and I let her. I don’t know what she’s thinking about as she sobs, but I’m terrified to ask, afraid it’ll ruin this.
“I’m so sorry, Hank. Sorry for how I left. Sorry I didn’t give you the chance to decide. You didn’t deserve that. I thought I was doing the right thing.” She sniffs. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I hope you can forgive me someday,” she finally whispers and then sniffles.
“I know.” I run my hand over her hair. “It’s in the past, ok? You’re already forgiven.”
“I love you.” She sobs.
My voice comes out gruff and I almost don’t recognize it. “I love you, Wrenley. So much.”
We stay like that—pressed against each other, with her arms around my neck and mine around her waist—for a long time. Neither of us seems to want to let go. I tip her chin up and press my lips to hers. I can taste the salt of her tears. I kiss her until she’s breathless, and then I pull back and hold her gaze.
My voice is quiet when I speak again. “I know how hard you’ve worked to get where you are, and you’re amazing at what you do. I saw it with Apollo. It kills me that what that asshole did wrecked it. And it’s a shitty situation you’ve been thrust into with your clients through no fault of your own. But I want you to know, California or Timber Forge…” I pause and brush back her hair. “Those cities, those places, they didn’t make you a vet, Wren. You did that. You.”
I take her face in my hands again.
“You’re an amazing vet, Wren, and you’ll be just as amazing anywhere you are. You already are. Whether it's in California with some of your clients or none of them. If you decide you want to be here with me in Timber Forge, you could rebuild your practice. You could freelance with Doc Callahan on bigger jobs.
