Page 117 of Fault Lines
“Yes,” I said softly. “It’s over. I know that. I just wanted to get my footing before dealing with paperwork and lawyers. But I’ll go tonight and get my things. Alone. No more drama than already exists.”
Nate nodded, jaw clenched. “Okay. I get it. I just want it done for you, so we can move on. I want to be happy, with you, without all this still swirling around.”
I cringed. I knew he wanted the divorce signed so I could turn all my love his way, like I once did for Cam. But what if I couldn’t? The love I had for Cam was a different animal, wild and consuming. I couldn't picture feeling that way again, even for someone as good as Nate. Maybe, I told myself, that kind of love would grow with time. Maybe it would be enough. I couldsee a future for us: companionship, loyalty, the slow warmth of a best friend. Maybe that would be okay. Maybe it had to be.
∞∞∞
I wasn’t shocked to find Cam home when I got there. He’d been pushing for a meeting, always asking, even as my replies grew shorter and less frequent unless the question was strictly about separating.
For the first time, nerves edged through me. Just thinking about seeing him made my hands cold.
I knocked, and he swung the door open so fast I almost startled backward.
“You don’t need to knock, Livi. This is your home.”
A sharp pang. “Not anymore.” I fished out my keys, holding them toward him. “Here. If I forget anything tonight, just donate it or throw it out.”
He didn’t take the keys; he just stepped aside and let me in.
“You sure you don’t want any of the furniture? For your new place?”
I shook my head, scanning the living room. “You picked it out. You should keep it. And I’m looking for something furnished.”
He looked at me, voice thin. “You’re not moving in with Nate, are you?”
“I don’t plan to.”
“Has he asked you?”
I turned, finally meeting his gaze. The sight stopped me. He looked awful. Deep circles under his eyes, cheekbones sharper, his whole frame smaller. His shirt was wrinkled and buttoned crooked, like he’d given up halfway.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He shrugged, looking away.
“Not really.” Then he let out a thin, dry laugh. “Of course I’m not okay, Livi. The love of my life left me.”
“I didn’t leave you for anyone else,” I said, not sure who I was trying to convince. “It just… wasn’t working. Not anymore.”
He nodded, then shook his head, then tried to find his words. “I know. I mean, I think we could work, if we tried, but—I know I’m the one who ruined it. I did the damage. I’ve had a lot of time to sit with that, and I realize how wrong I was. I keep trying to figure out why I did it. It wasn’t about sex or needing more. You always were enough, Livi. It just… I was trying to fill something broken inside me. I thought it would help, but it only destroyed us. Destroyed me.”
I studied him a while, waiting to see if he’d say more.
“You’ve been thinking a lot.”
He nodded, then offered, quietly, “I’ve been seeing someone.”
The words hit me like a slap. I know my shoulders tensed; it must’ve shown, because he quickly held up his hands.
“Not like that. I mean—a therapist.”
It shouldn’t have mattered, but relief washed through me. I’d expected him to be moving on, a new woman already in his bed, but even so, the idea felt like sand in my mouth. Even after everything, I still loved him. It was that simple.
“Oh,” I said, for lack of anything else. “That’s good. I’m glad it’s helping.”
“She is—I mean, we’re talking about my childhood, why I was so obsessed with having kids. Finding out we couldn’t have a family really wrecked me. I didn’t know how to handle the loss, so I channeled it… wrong. I know that now.”
“But your wish is coming true. You’re going to have a child.” I felt the tears rising, so I turned, heading for the staircase. I didn’t want him to see my face.
