Page 33 of Worth the Ruin
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to be part of a harem?”
“Ok, that’s fair.” Renee laughs, wrinkling her nose. “But I don’t know…the way he watches you, the way helooksat you…” She shakes her head and chews on her bottom lip. She does that whenever she’s deep in thought. “It’s just different. I think the harem would be retired if you said the word, is all I’m saying.”
I snort as if that’s the most ridiculous thing she’s ever said, but a part of me wonders if she could be right. Part of mehopesshe is.
“Well, at least the asshole has been gone for the week too,” she points out, and I nod in agreement. Jett thankfully went with Traeger wherever they ran off to. He still hasn’t outright tried anything, but I know he hasn’t given up. He’s made that perfectly clear on more than one occasion with disgusting remarks said low in my ear waiting in line for lunch, rough bumps of my shoulder, an “innocent” swipe of his hand across my ass when our paths cross. No, he’s still very much plotting and I’m still very much waiting for the day it finally happens.
“Will you come to the social tonight?” Renee asks, changing the subject. “Practice that whole being happy thing?” I scrunch my nose and pretend to debate. I’d actually already planned on going finally, deciding it might be a good distraction from…well, everything, really, but I decide to make Renee beg a little. Right on cue, she clasps her hands in front of her chest. “Please, please,please??”
“I guess,” I say with a martyred sigh, and then grin. Renee actually jumps up and down and gives a little squeal of joy and I can’t help but laugh. After a few more minutes, I say casually,“So, speaking of being happy…what’s going on with you and Zimmer?”
“A whole lot of orgasms, that’s for sure,” Renee says immediately, and I nearly choke. Renee grins. “It’s semi-serious, I guess? We like each other, and we definitely likebeingtogether, but we haven’t made any kind of official declarations or anything like that.” She shrugs.
“You dirty little girl,” I tease, bumping her shoulder with mine. “Are you a kiss-and-tell kind of girl, because…I need some dishing…”
Renee smiles a wicked little smile and I whoop, grabbing her arm and dragging her back towards the main building so she can give me all the details while we get dressed.
I sitat a table with Wynn in what had once been an event space, somewhere that the resort had held weddings and retirement parties probably. Renee is dancing with Zimmer, and Wynn and I chat while we watch and snack.
“This would be a whole lot better with a nice cold beer,” I say over the music. It’s a surprisingly good mix of 80s and 90s pop and country, and I’ve found myself swaying to the beat more often than not. The old me would have been dancing to anything and everything, pulling everyone else onto the floor with me, and a part of me longs to find that piece of myself again. The one that had been fun and crazy, the one that Mitch had loved, the one Mitch would never have wanted me to lose. She has to be in here somewhere, doesn’t she? I know she is, but she’s buried deep, deep down. Or, more accurately, I’ve got her locked behind a four-foot-thick bulletproof glass wall. I can see her. I have thekey to the door. But I can’t make myself put it in the lock and turn…
“And fried pickles,” Wynn adds, taking a sip of his tea.
I groan, suddenly craving fried pickles worse than I’d craved chili-cheese-fries when I was pregnant with Gabby, which isreallysaying something.
“How dare you,” I say accusingly, tossing a peanut at him. “How fucking dare you.”
Wynn chuckles. “If I suffer, you suffer. Isn’t that how friendship works?” I flip him off, but smile. A pretty woman with pale blonde hair and big blue eyes beckons to Wynn from the dance floor.
“You better go,” I say nodding towards the woman. Ophelia, I think her name is. Wynn follows my gaze and a grin spreads across his face, showing off those pearly whites.
“Sure you don’t mind?”
“’Course not,” I promise. “Get out there. I’ll join in a bit.”
Wynn makes his way onto the floor and pulls Ophelia close, swaying along toI Wanna Dance with Somebody. Abuela slides into Wynn’s abandoned chair, smiling warmly at me and I return it immediately.
“You don’t dance, mija?”
“I used to,” I admit. Abuela is one of the few people that I just can’t seem to keep out, don’t even want to, actually. I’ve told the old woman damn near everything: about my life in the Before Bloody era, my friendship with Jonah, losing Mitch and then Gabby, life on the road before Jonah and I had found The Cove, the things I’d seen and done and survived. She knows more about me than almost any other person on this planet.
“You could dance again, you know,” Abuela says with a knowing look, and I get the feeling she isn’t only talking about actual dancing. “You can always find the music again.Always.” She lays a hand on my wrist, squeezing gently. I want to believeher, want it in a way I haven’t in so, so long. I smile back at the old woman and, as if the universe is testing me,Footloosecomes on. It’s always been one of my absolute favorite line dances, and I smile at the memories of the many nights me, Mitch, Jonah, and Sean had spent at The Neon Moon dancing to it and a thousand other songs, having the times of our lives.
A lot of people clear off the dance floor, not knowing what to do, but Renee, Wynn, and Ophelia remain. Renee meets my gaze and waves me over, mouthingplease. Wynn doesn’t mouth his invitation, instead yelling, “Come on, Mel! Get your ass out here already! Iknowyou know this one.”
Abuela laughs and arches a brow at me, waiting for me to make my choice.
“Fuck it,” I say with a grin, tired of fighting. I lean in to kiss the old woman on the cheek before sprinting onto the floor right before the chorus hits. I tear the clip out of my hair and shake out my curls, and Renee gives a loudwhoopof excitement. I lose myself in the familiar steps, finally letting a sliver of my old self out of that glass room and push its way to the surface. I throw my head back and laugh as Wynn messes up some of the steps, bumping into me and nearly knocking me into Renee. It had been so long since I’ve laughed like this, since I’ve just let myselfbe. Since I’ve given myself permission to stop punishing myself for things that I know aren’t my fault, and yet I’ve felt the blame for all these years.
I get Wynn back on track and smile widely, looking back towards Abuela, but my eyes lock withTraeger’sinstead. My pulse races at the sight of him, hair still damp from the shower, the sleeves of his button-down rolled up to his elbows in that inexplicably sexy way, his scruff a bit thicker than usual and looking damn good. Without letting myself stop to think it through or, more accurately, talk myself out of it, I raise my hand and crook a finger at him, smiling a flirtatious smile. I feelalmost drunk, giddy with finally letting myself enjoy life for a few minutes. His lips curl up on one side, a crooked, sexy smile that yes, I can admit, I’ve missed for the last week. He quirks a brow and I roll my eyes and shrug, silently sayingyour loss. I turn to keep up with the dance steps.
A second later, he slides into the line beside me, Renee quickly making room for him and giving me a meaningful look. I have no idea if it means that he doesn’t normally dance, or if she’s just harkening back to our earlier conversation, but either way, I’m glad that he decided to join in. To my surprise, he actually knows the dance and matches me step-for-step, moving his body easily.Well fuck. I don’t need to find one more thing attractive about him, but here I am, adding another check mark to the list. There is just something about a man who knows how to dance.
The song ends and I grin, turning to Traeger.
“Didn’t know you could dance,” I say, a little breathless.
